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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
 Number of posts: 2900
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
 |  Subject: Re: scottish humour Mon 26 Apr 2010, 9:57 am | |
| After thirty years of courting....at last... one beautiful evening on the Isle of Skye Jean thought it was time to pop the question."Sandy".... she breathed heavily...."is it not about time we were getting married ?".After a long silence.Sandy sighed."Aye... Jean...that it is".A hopeful smile spread over Jean's face."Yes.. Jean...But who would have us ?".  |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2900
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Mon 26 Apr 2010, 10:02 am | |
| The old Scottish woman lay dying. She looked up and asked her husband if he would do her just one small favour before she passed on."Bobby?...." she asked....."on the day of the funeral I would like you to ride in the same coach as my mother." Bobby replied...."All right Flora. I will do that just to please you. But you have completely spoilt the day for me". |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2900
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Mon 26 Apr 2010, 10:31 am | |
| Donald woke up in hospital a few days after complaining of sharp pains in his legs. his wife came to see him." Donald...I have some good news and some bad".
Donald asked for the bad news first." The bad news..dear...is that they'll have to amputate both your legs".
" My legs!"....wailed Donald." What on earth could the good news possibly be ?".
"Your brother.... Tam..... says he takes the same size shoe". |
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Lady of Winter {KAN}
Queen of the P90 - shooter of the AK47. Claymore expert
 Number of posts: 1553
Age: 44
City/Country: Earth (is not a country itīs a planet)
: Pretty in Pink
: Handy with a Whip
: Frau Boss
Fav MP game: Naked Volleyball and Twister.
Fav MP map: BOG!!!
I miss BOG!!
Fav SP game: LOL
Xfire: ladyofwinter
TeamSpeak: 1st Lady {KAN}
Registration date: 2008-03-15
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Tue 27 Apr 2010, 5:00 pm | |
| LOL!!  |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2900
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Wed 28 Apr 2010, 7:21 am | |
| It was three o'clock in the morning.....When the telephone rang beside thebed of Mactavish...the publican."Mr Mactavish?".....said the alcohol saturated voice ofwee Alex...."What time do you open in the morning?"."Ten o'clock...Alex".....snapped Mactavish....and hung up.At seven o'clock the phone rang and itwas Alex again....."Wash time dush you open.....Hic?"."Look I already told you Alex...ten o'clockbut you're not going to be let in"."I' don't...Hic.... wants to get in.....I wants to gesh out". |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2900
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Fri 30 Apr 2010, 8:22 am | |
| Andy and Stuart...were discussing sex..marriage...and values.Stuart says..."Ah' didna' sleep with ma wife afore we gotmarried....did you?".Andy replied..."Ah'm no sure...whit was her maiden name?". |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2900
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Sat 01 May 2010, 5:19 am | |
| Sandy and Fiona were sitting on top of a hill one sunny evening...Sandy said to Fiona...." Without you.... the Highlands are dark and dreary...the clouds gather... and the wind beats the rain...With you...comes the warm sun...you are like an island rainbowin a clear mist free morning".
Fiona replied....." Is this a formal proposal or a weather report ?". |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2900
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Sat 01 May 2010, 5:32 am | |
| A Highland chieftain got a case of cold feetbefore A battle against the English.Calling all the clans together.... he said...." lads we may not win today... but you must summen up all your courageand fight as bravely as you can.If the worse comes to worse....run like hell for the hills"."As for me...I'm a little lame...so I'll start now".
Last edited by skinman {kan} on Sat 01 May 2010, 5:48 am; edited 1 time in total |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2900
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Sat 01 May 2010, 5:47 am | |
| An advertisement appeared in a Scottish newspaper."A gentleman who has lost a left leg... would like to correspond with anotherwho has lost his right leg and takes a size nine shoe...willing to travel". |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2900
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Sat 01 May 2010, 5:58 am | |
| A Glaswegian stops before a graveyard in a Gorbals cemetery... notices a carved tombstone declaring....
"Here lies a lawyer and an honest man".
"Ach... who'd ever think".... he murmered to himself."there'd be enough room for two men in that one wee grave". |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2900
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Thu 06 May 2010, 4:36 pm | |
| What do you call a Glaswegian in a suit?.
The accused. |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2900
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Sun 09 May 2010, 11:00 am | |
| My therapist told me yesterday.....the only way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today I have finished off ten lagers... two bags of chips...and a chocolate cake.I feel better already. |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2900
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Mon 10 May 2010, 10:34 am | |
| Sven....A Norwegian pilot serving his country during World War One was being interviewed for a documentary.He had been asked about the day he shot down 7 German airplanes.
"Vell A was jus flyin' aloong when suddenly A see this fokker flyin' oopat me"....explained Sven in his native accent."A looked aroun' and saw there woos another fokker off me right wing and then two fokkers off me left wing. There was a fokker behin' me.......and two fokkers comin' doon at me".
At this point the interviewer interjected."Perhaps I should explain to our audience that a Fokker is akind of German aircraft"."Ja".... said Sven...."Dat... too.... But these pilots were flying Messerschmidts". |
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my little friend
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 1241
Age: 49
City/Country: london uk
: <span style="color: rgb(2, 186, 0); font-weight: bold;">Clan Member</span><br>
Fav MP game: doom3/cod4
Fav MP map: face to face/broadcast
Fav SP game: birdwatching
Xfire: never
TeamSpeak: now and again..and only when i'm sober...not making that mistake again!
Registration date: 2008-08-10
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Mon 10 May 2010, 2:52 pm | |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2900
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Wed 12 May 2010, 5:50 pm | |
| You will have heard about the Inverness doctor....who had his licence taken away because he washaving affairs with his patients?.
Yes.....And I think it's a real shame because he was one ofthe top veterinarians in the country. |
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