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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
 Number of posts: 2868
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
 |  Subject: Re: scottish humour Sat 06 Mar 2010, 6:17 am | |
| Young Hughie....All the way from Sutherland way up in the highlands...had been appointed Scottish representative with anagricultural Implementation firm in london.It was his first visit ever to the "Big Smoke"...andafter an exciting day with his sales director...(Slap up dinner and all that sort of thing)...He had a couple of hours to put in before the traintook him back home to the land of the haggis.He inevitably ended up in SOHO.His eyes were popping out of his head at the mindboggling displays outside the strip joints...when...suddenly...a coloured girlie sidled up to him."Say Honey"...she began....."How'd you like to come home with me?"."Away ye go...Lassie"... shouted Hughie....."What would a man like me be doing in Africa?". |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2868
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Sat 06 Mar 2010, 6:28 am | |
| Not all Scots are lacking in emotionas many of our alien detractors makeus out to be.I remember fine getting into a game ofpoker in a commercial hotel one wet nightand half way through....one of my pals....(I think he had a royal flush)....slumped to the floor dead.You may not believe me...But we finished the game standing up. |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2868
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Sat 06 Mar 2010, 7:07 am | |
| The tinker stood outside the highland farmer's door."Give us twopence fur a bed...Sir?"."Let me see it first"...replied the farmer. |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2868
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Mon 08 Mar 2010, 7:28 pm | |
| After many years....Sandy met his old english rival.. George."And how many children have you got?"...said George.Sandy replied..."I have three boys...the eldest is a judge...then there is a neuro-surgeon...and the youngest is a nuclear physicist.and you?"."As it happens..I also have three sons.The eldest is a champion boxer...the second is a first class wrestler...and the baby a karate expert.Why don't you bring your boys over?....I'll see that they get a bloody good hiding". |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2868
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Wed 10 Mar 2010, 12:32 pm | |
| Big Sammy....thought he was a dog....so he went to see a psychiatrist."It's terrible"...said Sammy."I walk around on all fours....I keep barking in the middle of thenight...and I can't go past a lamppost any more"."Okay"...said the psychiatrist."Get on the couch"."Sammy replied....."I'm not allowed on the couch". |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2868
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Fri 12 Mar 2010, 3:37 am | |
| "Look Tam....I'm not one for complaining....but will you flippin' well put downyour boots a little quietly.Let's leave the ceiling up...mate"..said the landlord.Tam was contrite...but as he was going to bed that nighthe forgot and threw one boot downwith a crash.Immediately he realised his mistake andhe put the other boot down gently.he had been asleep for an hour or twowhen he was awakened by a poundingon his door....it was the landlord."For goodness sake.... Tam....Will you hurry up..... and Throw down your other boot!". |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2868
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Mon 15 Mar 2010, 7:21 pm | |
| Archie goes to the doctor and says....."Doc...I need a double dose of Viagra".The doctor says...."A double dose?...that's not safe....you could have serious side effects!...sorry...but I can't help you"."But doc...I've got a big weekendcoming up!....On friday..I'll be seeing my girlfriend...on Saturday..I'll see my ex-wife...and on Sunday...I'll see my wife...please help me".The doctor says..."Well...all right.but you have to come in on Monday tosee me...to make sure you are all right".On Monday morning...Archie goes intothe doctors office...with his right arm ina sling."What on earth happened to you?"....asks the doctor.Archie says......."Nobody Showed Up!". |
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Rumble {KAN}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2429
Age: 52
City/Country: Virginia, USA
: Moderator
: Forum Admin
Fav MP game: COB BO, L4D2
Fav MP map: No preference
TeamSpeak: Yes !
Registration date: 2007-10-05
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Mon 15 Mar 2010, 7:40 pm | |
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toxic{KAN}
Guest
Number of posts: 707
Age: 37
City/Country: USA
Registration date: 2008-06-24
| | Subject: scottish humour Tue 16 Mar 2010, 2:34 am | |
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mraztec3{KAN}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 435
Age: 16
City/Country: Olive Branch, USA
: Clan Member, he hopes hes better at black ops than he was at l4d2, probably not though -)
Fav MP game: CoD4
Fav MP map: No favorites, but I do have dislikes
Fav SP game: Prototype, Skyrim
Xfire: noobpatrolz3
TeamSpeak: mraztec3
Registration date: 2009-03-18
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Tue 16 Mar 2010, 3:48 am | |
| Is that an excerpt from Mono's autobiography, Stories from the Life of a Swedish Noob? |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2868
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
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mraztec3{KAN}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 435
Age: 16
City/Country: Olive Branch, USA
: Clan Member, he hopes hes better at black ops than he was at l4d2, probably not though -)
Fav MP game: CoD4
Fav MP map: No favorites, but I do have dislikes
Fav SP game: Prototype, Skyrim
Xfire: noobpatrolz3
TeamSpeak: mraztec3
Registration date: 2009-03-18
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Tue 16 Mar 2010, 5:24 pm | |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2868
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Sun 21 Mar 2010, 1:10 pm | |
| A three legged dog walks into a saloonin the old west. He slides up to the bar and announces... "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw".  |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2868
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Tue 23 Mar 2010, 7:50 am | |
| The chief of staff of the Royal Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recuiting crisis affecting the R.A.F. So... he directed that a nearby Royal Air Force base be opened and that all elgible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new jet Fighter.. a pair of twin brothers...Tam and Sandy who looked a bit worsefor wear walked up to them. The chief of staff stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first scotsman and asked..."tell me what skills can you bring to the Air Force?". Tam looks at him and says... "I pilot!". The chief of staff gets all excited... turns to his aide and says... "Get him in today...all the paper work done... everything... do it!". The aide hustles Tam off. The chief of staff looks at Sandy and asks..."What skills to you bring to the Royal Air Force?".Sandy says.. "I chop wood!"."Son"... the chief of staff replies..."we don't need wood choppers in the Royal Air Force..what do you know how to do?". "I chop wood!"."Young man.... you are not listening to me... we don't need wood choppers... this is the 21st century!". "Well"...Sandy says... "you hired my brother!"."Of course we did... he's a pilot!".Sandy scratches his head and says... "But I have to chop it before he can pile it!". |
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skinman {kan}
Badass KAN
Number of posts: 2868
Age: 64
City/Country: over here
: Clan Member
Fav MP game: left 4 dead.
left4dead2.
TeamSpeak: yes.
Registration date: 2008-05-04
| | Subject: Re: scottish humour Tue 23 Mar 2010, 8:15 am | |
| Big Sammy was on trial at the old bailey in londonfor murder and if convicted...would get life Imprisonment.His brother found out that a Glasgow man was onthe jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the Scottish juror that he would be paid£1,000 pounds if he could convince the rest of thejury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned witha verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial...the brother went to the Scottish juror's house andtold him what a great job he had done and paid him the £1,000.
he replied.... that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go. |
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