that was funny...

A young single guy on a cruise ship is having the time of his life.

On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and sinks, but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark infested sea to a remote island.Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, unconscious, barely breathing. She’s also managed to wash up on shore from the sinking ship.

He makes his way over to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing again.
She looks at him, wide eyed and grateful and says, "You saved my life, I’m so grateful, you’re my hero. He suddenly realises the woman is Cameron Diaz. Days and weeks go by.

Cameron and our guy are living on the island together. They’ve set up a hut, there’s plenty of fruit on the trees, and they’re in heaven.Cameron’s fallen madly in love with our man, and they’re making passionate love morning, noon and night.

Alas, one day she notices he’s looking kind of glum."What’s the matter, sweetheart?" she asks "We have a wonderful life together, I’m in love with you. Is there something wrong?Is there anything I can do?" He says, "Actually, Cameron, there is. Would you mind putting on my shirt?" "Sure," she says, "if it will help." He takes off his shirt and she puts it on. "Now would you put on my pants?" he asks. "Sure, honey, if it’s really going to make you feel better," she says. "Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little moustache on your face?" he asks."Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does.

Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?" She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Mate! You’ll never believe who I’m shagging!!"

very funny...

How to say I love you.

Spanish.......... Te Amo.

French...........Je T'aime.

German.......Ich Liebe Dich.

Japanese.....Ai Shite Imasu.

Italian.........Ti Amo.

Chinese.......Wo Ai Ni.

Swedish.......Jag Alskar Dig.

Croatian........Ja Te Volim

Scotland....... Nice Tits.

As the chinaman say...
That's a cracker....

Funny...

Several years ago...

America funded a study to determine why
the head of a man's manhood is larger
than the shaft.

The study took two years and cost over
$180,000 dollars

The results concluded that the reason the head
is larger than the shaft is to provide the man
with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published the French declared
that the Americans were wrong and decided to
conduct their own study of the same subject.

After three years of research and a cost in excess
of 250,000 Euros they concluded that the head is
larger than the shaft to provide the woman with
more sexual pleasure.

When the results of the French study were released
Glasgow university decided to conduct its own study.

So after nearly three weeks of intensive research and
at a cost of around £75 pounds the study was complete.

They came to the conclusion that the reason the head
is larger than the shaft is to prevent his hand from flying
off and hitting him in the forehead.