A French poodle and a collie were walking down the street. The poodle turned to the collie and complained, “My life is such a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair with a German shepherd and I’m as nervous as a cat.”

“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” asked the collie.

“I can’t,” replied the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”

Ah. That old chestnut.

*looks longingly into glass of brandy sat next to a fireplace*
************************************************************
A lawyer and The Pope are both riding in the same cab when it is crushed by an 18 wheeler.

At the pearly gates, the Lawyer is swiftly put into a fantastic room with thousands of girls and a gilded, gold bed.

The pope is moved into a 2x2 metre concrete room with a glass of water and a slice of bread.

The pope says "Hey, What gives?"
And saint Peter replies "Well, we have near 200 of you popes, but he's the first Lawyer we've ever had"

An elderly couple had been shopping at a grocery store, and the wife decided to steal a can of peaches. The inevitable happened and she was caught. Upon her court date, the judge asked her what she had stolen.

"Your Honor, I stole a can of peaches."

The judge replied, "How many peaches were in the can?"

She said, "Six."

The judge then said, "I will sentence you to six days in jail."

Her husband stood up behind her and replied, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas."

Good Joke L.O.W.

LOW

Three old ladies named Gertrude..
Maude and Tillie were sitting on a
park bench having a quiet
conversation when a flasher
approached from across the park.

The flasher came up to the ladies..
stood right in front of them and
opened his trench coat.

Gertrude immediately had a stroke.

Then Maude also had a stroke.

But Tillie.. being older and more
feeble.. couldn't reach that far.

Visiting the psych ward, a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient.

"Well," the director said, "we fill a bathtub, then offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and ask him to empty the tub."

"I get it," the visitor said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's the biggest."

"No," the director said. "A normal person would pull the plug."

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him