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 IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS

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skinman {kan}
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 09 Mar 2009, 12:48 pm

A duck goes into a
bar and says..

"I would like a drink...
I am old enough".

The bartender replies..

'You need to be able to
prove who you are".

The duck pulls out a mirror.

He looks in it.. nods his head..
and says.. 'Yep.. that's me.'
Embarassed
.......................

Alice and ted went for a meal
at a Chinese restaurant and
they order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal..served
in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as Alice is about to serve herself..
the lid of the pot rises slightly and she
briefly sees two beady little eyes looking
around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief.. did you see that?"..
she asks her husband.. ted. He hasn't...
so she asks him to look in the pot.

ted reaches for it and again the lid rises..
and he sees two little eyes looking around
before it slams down. Rather perturbed..
he calls the waiter over..

explains what is happening..and
demands an explanation.

"It's what you ordered..Sir"...

ted replies... "Chicken Surprise?".

"Ah... So sorry.. my mistake"...
says the attendant
"I've given you Peeking Duck!'
Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Tue 10 Mar 2009, 3:59 pm

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skinman {kan}
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Wed 11 Mar 2009, 1:33 am

funny.....
ROFL ROFL ROFL
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Thu 12 Mar 2009, 4:41 pm

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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 16 Mar 2009, 6:22 pm




_________________

     
   
"if its got tits or wheels it'l cost you money"
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Thu 19 Mar 2009, 4:07 pm

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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Fri 20 Mar 2009, 3:43 pm

What do you call a
cat that swallows
a duck?

A duck..filled..
fatty-pus....
.................

An avid duck hunter was in
the market for a new bird dog.

His search ended when he
found a dog that could actually
walk on water to retrieve a duck.

Shocked by his find..
he was sure none of his friends
would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the
news to a friend of his..

the eternal pessimist who
refused to be impressed
with anything.

This.. surely.. would impress
him.

He invited him to hunt with
him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore..
a flock of ducks flew by.

they fired.. and a duck fell.

The dog responded and
jumped into the water.

The dog..however.. did not
sink but instead walked across
the water to retrieve the bird..
never getting more than his
paws wet.

This continued all day long.

each time a duck fell..
the dog walked across the
surface of the water to
retrieve it.

The pessimist watched
carefully..
saw everything..
but did not say a single
word.

On the drive home the
hunter asked his friend..

"Did you notice anything
unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did"..
responded the pessimist.

"He cant swim".
Razz
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Fri 20 Mar 2009, 4:00 pm

An english man..
A scots man..
and daffy duck walk
into a pub.

after a few pints the
english man goes down
stairs to the toilet and
finds a fiver on the table.

he picks it up and he hears
a voice saying..

“I am the ghost of
auntie mabel leave the
fiver on the table”.

So the english man runs
back up stairs.

After another few pints
the scotsman goes to the
toilet and see’s the fiver..

he picks it up and hears the
same voice...

“I am the ghost of
auntie mabel leave the
fiver on the table”...
and he runs back up stairs.

After another few pints...

daffy duck goes to the toilet...
and see’s the fiver on the
table and hears the same voice..

“I am the ghost of auntie mabel..
leave the fiver on the table”..

and daffy duck replies...

“I am the ghost of daffy duck...

picks up the fiver and runs
like F**K!”.
Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Thu 02 Apr 2009, 12:16 am

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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Sat 04 Apr 2009, 12:25 am

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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Sun 05 Apr 2009, 10:15 pm

lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Thu 16 Apr 2009, 2:10 pm

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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Fri 17 Apr 2009, 8:19 pm

Two Irishmen were out
shooting ducks.

One took aim and hit a
bird which tumbled out
of the sky to land at
his feet.

"Ah..
you should have saved
the bullet"...
said the other.

The fall...
would have killed
him anyway" .
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Sat 18 Apr 2009, 12:23 am

How not to be
eaten by a duck....

Carry a large automatic
weapon with you
whenever walking past
a river or pond.

Become an electronics
whizz and build a
battery-powered thingy
that repels ducks by means
of ultrasound.

If you can't beat them....
join them...
Whilst ducks may be vicious...
they are civilised creatures
and the idea of cannibalism
disgusts them.

Rather than just getting
another pullover from your
granny next Christmas...
ask her for a duck costume
instead.

Make friends with lots of
plump...
tasty-looking people.

Hang about with them all
the time..
after making sure you can
run faster than all of them.

Do not accept any offers
from shifty-looking blokes
in cars who enquire as to
whether you would like to
come with him to see some
baby ducklings.

Learn Judo or Karate.
Practise sparring only
with very short people
or ducks.
Embarassed
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Sat 18 Apr 2009, 2:44 pm

OMG! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Sun 19 Apr 2009, 9:12 am

lol! lol! lol! geek
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skinman {kan}
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Sun 19 Apr 2009, 6:32 pm

Funny song...GIxx.
lol!
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Fri 24 Apr 2009, 11:25 am

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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Sat 25 Apr 2009, 6:38 pm

Damn Chris, thats Quackers xD
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 27 Apr 2009, 7:55 am

What kind of oil does a duck use in his car?

Quacker State.
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 27 Apr 2009, 8:38 am

A game warden came upon
a duck hunter who had
bagged three ducks and
decided to...

"enforce the laws pending".

He stopped the hunter...
flashed his badge and said...

"Looks like you've had a pretty
good day.

Mind if I inspect your kill?...

We bar hunters who don't
have the proper licence".

The hunter shrugged and
handed the ducks to the
warden.

The warden took one of
the ducks...

inserted his finger into the
duck's rectum..

pulled it out...

sniffed it...

and said...

"This here's a Washington
state duck.

Do you have a Washington
state hunting licence?".

The hunter pulled out his
wallet and calmly showed
the warden a Washington
state hunting licence.

The warden took a second
duck..

inserted his finger in the
bird's rectum..

pulled it out...

sniffed it...

and said...

"This here's an Idaho duck.

Do you have an Idaho state
hunting licence?".

The hunter...

a bit put out...

produced an Idaho state
hunting licence.

The warden took a third duck...

conducted the same finger test..

and said...

"This here's an Oregon
state duck.

Do you have an Oregon state
hunting licence?".

Once again...

only this time more aggravated...

the hunter produced the
appropriate licence.

The warden..

a little miffed at having
struck out...

handed the ducks back to
the hunter and said..

"You've got all of these licences...

just where the hell are
you from?".

The hunter dropped his pants..

bent over..

and said..

"You're so smart...

YOU tell ME!".
Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 27 Apr 2009, 8:41 am

A man walks into a bar
with a duck under his arm.

The bartender says...

"No pets allowed".

The man turns to the
duck and says....

"I'll go wait outside".
Embarassed
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 27 Apr 2009, 8:53 am

A woman walks into a bar
with a duck under arm
and orders a beer.

The bartender says...

"I'm sorry...

but we don't allow cows
in the bar".

The woman says...

"This is not a cow it's
a duck!".

The bartender says....

"I was talking
to the duck".
Embarassed
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Tue 28 Apr 2009, 3:21 am

A man is driving a pick-up truck down the road with a
bunch of ducks standing in the back. A police officer pulls
over the driver, informs him that he is speeding and then
asks him where he's going with all those ducks. The driver
says that he doesn't know what to do with them anymore.
The officer says, "Look, there's a zoo not far from here and
that's where you should take them." The man thanks the
officer and drives off with his ducks.

The next day the officer again sees the same pick-up truck
barreling down the road. This time, though, all the ducks in t
he back are wearing sunglasses. The officer pulls the driver
over and says, "I thought I told you to take those ducks to t
he zoo!" "I did," said the driver, "but now they want to go to the beach!"
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Tue 28 Apr 2009, 9:13 am

lol! lol! What, did somebody have a sale on duck joke books ? ROFL ROFL
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Thu 30 Apr 2009, 3:39 pm

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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Thu 30 Apr 2009, 5:32 pm

LOL - This is me on my 21st B-day and look how long I've been a duck fan!!

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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Tue 05 May 2009, 7:20 am

I know you you earned that shirt. I found the video showing you earing your duck wings. :)

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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Tue 05 May 2009, 7:55 am

Shocked Shocked
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Tue 05 May 2009, 12:26 pm

Calimero

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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Tue 05 May 2009, 2:17 pm

LOL - Havok!! Yeah, I enjoyed earning that duck shirt...that duck was so hot! lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Tue 05 May 2009, 2:18 pm

skinman {kan} wrote:
Calimero


ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
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PostSubject: A Fairy Story   Sat 09 May 2009, 2:40 pm

Rindercella....

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived
in a marge lansion..

Rindercella worked very hard frubbing
sloors.. emptying poss pits.. and
shivelling shot.

At the end of the day.....
she was knucking fackered.

The sugly isters were right bugly astards.

One was called Mary Hinge....
and the other was called Betty
Swallocks.... they were really forrible
huckers.

they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies.

The sugly isters had tickets to go
to the ball...

but the cotton runts would not let
Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang....
and her gairy fodmother appeared.

Her name was Shairy Hithole and
she was a light rucking fesbian.

She turned a pumpkin and six mite
wice into a hucking cuge farriage with
six dandy ronkeys who had buge
hollocks and dig bicks.

the gairy fodmother told Rindercella to
be back by dimnlight otherwise....

there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball..Rindercella was dancing
with the prandsome hince
when suddenly....

the clock struck twelve.

Rindercella ran out tripping barse
over ollocks.. so dropping her
slass glipper.

The very next day......
the prandsome hince knocked on
Rindercella's door and the sugly
isters let him in..

Suddenly...
Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and
et off a fig bart.

"Who's fust jarted?"
asked the prandsome hince.

"Blame that fugly ucker over there!!"...
said Mary Hinge.

When the stinking brown cloud had
lifted......
he tried the slass glipper on both
the sugly isters without success and
their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted
and gave the prandsome hince
a knack in the kickers...

This was not difficult as he had bucking
fuge halls and a hig bard on.

He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella
and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince
were married.

The pransome hince lived his life in
lucking fuxury...

and Rindercella lived hers with a follen
swanny!.
affraid
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Sat 09 May 2009, 3:54 pm

A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn’t serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ‘’Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!’’

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ‘’Got any nails?’’

Confused, the bartender says no.

‘’Good!’’ says the duck. ‘’Got any grapes?’’
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Sat 09 May 2009, 4:40 pm

Everybody ...DUCK...
THis is where I came in!.....
scratch
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Sat 09 May 2009, 4:42 pm

What can a goose do that a duck can’t but a lawyer should?

Shove its bill up its ass!

albino
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Sun 10 May 2009, 1:16 pm

good duck joke...

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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Sun 10 May 2009, 9:16 pm

One day ole Boudreax was going out in his boat. Ole Pedro ask boudreax, ’’What ya got in that boat there?"
Boudreax replied, "I got Duct tape."

"What ya gonna do with duct tape?" he asked.

Boudreax replied, "Gonna catch me some ducks.’’

Sure enough that afternoon, his boat was full of ducks. The next week ole Boudreax went out and Pedro said, "Hey Boudreax what ya got in the boat there?"
He told him he had crab grass.

"What ya gonna do with crab grass?" asked Pedro.

"Gonna catch me some crabs," said Boudreax.

"You can’t catch crabs with crab grass," said pedro.

But sure enough that afternoon he had the boat full of crabs. The next week ole Boudreaux went out and Perdo asked, "Hey, what you got in the boat?"

Boudreaux said, "Got me some Pussywillow."

Pedro says, "Hold on man, I’m getting my hat and coming with ya."
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 11 May 2009, 7:23 am

lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 11 May 2009, 8:33 am

MaRiNe {KAN} wrote:
One day ole Boudreax was going out in his boat. Ole Pedro ask boudreax, ’’What ya got in that boat there?"
Boudreax replied, "I got Duct tape."

"What ya gonna do with duct tape?" he asked.

Boudreax replied, "Gonna catch me some ducks.’’

Sure enough that afternoon, his boat was full of ducks. The next week ole Boudreax went out and Pedro said, "Hey Boudreax what ya got in the boat there?"
He told him he had crab grass.

"What ya gonna do with crab grass?" asked Pedro.

"Gonna catch me some crabs," said Boudreax.

"You can’t catch crabs with crab grass," said pedro.

But sure enough that afternoon he had the boat full of crabs. The next week ole Boudreaux went out and Perdo asked, "Hey, what you got in the boat?"

Boudreaux said, "Got me some Pussywillow."

Pedro says, "Hold on man, I’m getting my hat and coming with ya."

ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 11 May 2009, 11:03 am

ve ne approfittate che non riesco a fare una traduzione adeguata,questa ironia americana proprio non la capisco,il traduttore di google non traduce tutto,e scambia le parole.
io sono abituato all'ironia Napoletana ,che se tradotta,perde il suo fascino lol!

there advantage that I can not make a proper translation, this irony is not just the U.S. understand the google translator does not translate everything, and exchanged words.
I am used all'ironia Napoletana, which if translated, it loses its charm

ecco beccati questa Very Happy Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 11 May 2009, 11:22 am

(((gio))) {KAN} wrote:
ve ne approfittate che non riesco a fare una traduzione adeguata,questa ironia americana proprio non la capisco,il traduttore di google non traduce tutto,e scambia le parole.
io sono abituato all'ironia Napoletana ,che se tradotta,perde il suo fascino lol!

there advantage that I can not make a proper translation, this irony is not just the U.S. understand the google translator does not translate everything, and exchanged words.
I am used all'ironia Napoletana, which if translated, it loses its charm

ecco beccati questa Very Happy Very Happy

lol! io non uso nè traduttori nè vocaboli!!

Prima li usavo, nel 2007 Razz

Ora so tutttttto ( non proprio tutto Sad ma quasi Razz )
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 11 May 2009, 11:22 am

Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons. This farmer had just inherited some of money from his brother’s recent death. He couldn’t decide which son he could send to college, since he could only afford to send one.

This farmer also had two ducks. These ducks were retarded. They were only two ducks on the farm that weren’t normal. He told his sons that whoever could get the most money for the duck would go to college.

The sons went out in attempt to collect as much money as they could. The first son was walking down the street when he passed a man working in the yard. The man asked him if the duck was for sale, for the man loved the taste of ducks. He offered the son 10 dollars for his duck. The son decided this was very good, so he took it. He decided his brother wouldn’t be able to get close to his success.

The second son was walking and passed a whorehouse. He went in and said that he didn’t have any money, but he would give them the duck. One girl said fine. After they f****d, she decided that she didn’t want the duck anymore. The son said he would take the duck back if they f****d again. She agreed. After they f****d the second time, the son left.

He was walking home, thinking about what to do with the duck when it broke the leash. The duck ran out into the street and was hit by a car. The lady that hit it jumped from her car and started apologizing profusely. The son insisted it was ok, but the lady said she would pay for the duck. She was in a hurry, so she gave him 25 dollars and sped off.

When the sons got home, the farmer asked the first son what he got. He proudly displayed the 10 dollars. The farmer was impressed. He asked the second son the same thing.

"That’s nothing. I got a f**k for a duck, a duck for a f**k, and 25 dollars for a f****d up duck."
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 11 May 2009, 5:07 pm

A duck calls down to the front desk of a hotel and asks for a condom. The receptionist asks if she should put it on his bill. He replied "Heck no! I would suffocate!"
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 11 May 2009, 5:57 pm

Two ducks flying over Belfast.

One duck says ....

"quack"

The other says.....

"I'm going as quack as I can".

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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 11 May 2009, 6:09 pm

skinman {kan} wrote:
Two ducks flying over Belfast.

One duck says ....

"quack"

The other says.....

"I'm going as quack as I can".


lol! ROFL
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Mon 11 May 2009, 8:58 pm

10-78 Havok wrote:
A duck calls down to the front desk of a hotel and asks for a condom. The receptionist asks if she should put it on his bill. He replied "Heck no! I would suffocate!"

I liked this when you told me...and I still like it!!! Very cute :)

lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Fri 15 May 2009, 10:47 am

A man took his wife
to the doctors.

"Oh.. doctor"...

he said..

"my wife thinks she's
a Duck.

The doctor gasped...

"That's terrible....

How long has she been
like that?".

The husband replied...

"Three years".

The doctor was horrified.

"Three years!

Why didn't you bring her
to me sooner?".

The husband said
sheepishly...

"Because we needed
the eggs".
Laughing
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Fri 15 May 2009, 11:16 am

lol! ROFL
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PostSubject: Re: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DUCKS   Fri 15 May 2009, 11:20 am

One day in a small redneck town in the middle of nowhere sat a lonely bartender in an empty bar. As he was getting ready to close down, three ducks walked through the front doors. They waddled on over to the bar and grabbed a stool.

The bartender walked over them looked at the first duck and said, ‘’How was your day?’’

‘’Not too bad, since I was in and out of puddles all day,’’ replied the duck.

‘’What is your name?’’ the bartender asked.

‘’Hewy, and I’ll have a beer.’’

The bartender asks the next duck the same question and gets the same answer, that his day was pretty good because he was in and out of puddles all day, and his name was Dewy.

The bartender looks at the third duck and says, ‘’Let me guess your name is Lewy’’ The duck looked up at him with a tired look on his face and said, ‘’My name is puddles, and don’t ask me how my bloody day was!’’
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