I should like to bring it to the clan leaders attention that some jokes on this site are mildly offensive.

Time permitting he will review them all and remove those which he deems to be insufficiently offensive.

An example is....

(What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!.)

This type of humour should not be tolerated.

In the meantime I hope that the large quantity of utterly filthy jokes will offer some recompense to all

you fun loving christians out there.


Ha Ha.....

lately.....

I felt like my body had gotten totally out of shape.

So I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club
and start exercising.

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent.. twisted..gyrated...jumped up and down....

and perspired for an hour.

But....

by the time I got those doggone leotards on…

the class was over.

He sure isn't backing down on his hard line stance
and one has to appreciate his belief in the rights of
his native countrymen.

Australian Prime Minister does it again.


It took a lot of courage for this man to speak on what he
had to say for the world to hear.

The retribution could be phenomenal.....

but was he right to take a stand on his and
Australia's beliefs?.


Prime Minister Kevin Rudd of Australia said that Muslims who
want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told to get out of
Australia.....

as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential
terror attacks..

Separately..... Rudd angered some Australian Muslims by saying he
supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques.

Quote......

"IMMIGRANTS... NOT AUSTRALIANS... MUST ADAPT.. Take It Or Leave It.

I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some
individual or their culture.

Since the terrorist attacks on Bali .... we have experienced a surge in
patriotism by the majority of Australians.

This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles.....

trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought
freedom.

We speak mainly ENGLISH....not Spanish... Lebanese... Arabic...
Chinese... Japanese... Russian...or any other language.


Therefore... if you wish to become part of our society....

Learn the language!.

Most Australians believe in God.

This is not some Christian... right wing... political push...
but a fact.... because Christian men and women...

on Christian principles... founded this nation....

and this is clearly documented.

It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our
schools.

If God offends you....

then I suggest you consider another part of the world as
your new home......

because God is part of our culture.

We will accept your beliefs....and will not question why.

All we ask is that you accept ours....

and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.

This is OUR COUNTRY... OUR LAND...and OUR LIFESTYLE....

and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this.

But once you are done complaining,...whining.....

and griping about Our Flag....

Our Pledge...Our Christian beliefs.... or Our Way of Life....

I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great
Australian freedom......

THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

If you aren't happy here then LEAVE.

We didn't force you to come here.

You asked to be here.

So accept the country YOU accepted".



Right or wrong.....

He makes his views quite clear....

and no mistake.

The biggest myth.....

as measured by square footage...

is that as you grow older....

you gradually lose interest in
sex.


this myth probably got started because younger
people seem to want to have sex with each other
at every available opportunity.....

including traffic lights.

Whereas older people are more likely to reserve
their sexual activities for special occasions....

such as the installation of a new pope.

But does this mean that....

as an aging person....

I'm no longer capable of feeling the lust that
I felt as an eighteen year old?.

NOT AT ALL!.

I'm attracted just as strongly as I ever was
towards eighteen year olds!.


The problem is that everybody my own age
seems repulsive....

It's a mystery.....

If I could....

I'd enlist today and help track down those responsible for killing

thousands of innocent people....

but I'm over 60 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track

down terrorists.

They've got the whole thing backwards.

Instead of sending 18 year olds off to fight...

they ought to take us old farts.

You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.



Researchers say 18 year olds think about sex every 10 seconds.



I only think about sex a couple of times a day....



leaving more that 28.000 additional seconds per day to concentrate

on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky...

and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.

If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission.

"My back hurts!"

"I'm hungry!"

"Where's the remote control?"

An 18 year old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't

go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink.

An average old guy on the other hand...

has consumed 126.000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35...

and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60

would do wonders for the old beer belly.

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys get up early every morning to pee.

If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd

probably forget where we put them.

In fact.. name.. rank.. and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys.

We're used to getting screamed and yelled at...

and we actually like soft food.

We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles.

We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course... however.

I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope

hanging over the side...

nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

I can hear the Drill Sergeant now...

"Drop and give me...er...one".

And the running part is kind of a waste of energy.

I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.

He's still learning to shave... to actually carry on a conversation...

and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his

boxer shorts sticking out.

He still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles...

and that a 400 watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda can rupture

an eardrum.

All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about

life before sending them off to fight.



So...let Dad's Army track down those dirty rotten cowards.

The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of thousand

old farts with attitude.