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 SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.

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Lady of Winter {KAN}
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PostSubject: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Wed 28 Jan 2009, 3:08 am

Do your thing Skinman {KAN}
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Wed 28 Jan 2009, 8:21 am

Hi'
Iv'e just stopped doing cartwheels long enough
to tell all you {kan} members...how excited I
am to have a voice in the forum.

I hope you will join me in discussing...what I hope
will be varied and Interesting topics...that I'm sure
will keep you glued to your seats.

I'd like to thank Christine for Inviting me on to
her forum.

As she has already mentioned in her "Daddy gave
me the keys" post= please be mindful of the rules..

No swearing- name calling- biting- or kicking- when
replying to a post/ topic.

Please join us in what I'm sure will be a lively and
hopefully Interesting section.

YOURS TO THE BONE.

SKINMAN.
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skinman {kan}
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PostSubject: computer programme   Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:00 am

If you ask school- children nowadays
"How do you like school?"...most after
not much thought will say.."School stinks.

I think It's because there is not enough
stimulus In class.

With our so called (age of technology)
It seems It's more fun to miss out
school...stay at home and play games
on your computer than follow the school
curriculum.

Imagine what appropriate design programming
with proper levels of funding could do to motivate
young people into a meaningful career.

Something like a simulator to excite students
about becoming a pilot--or a virtual world that
takes children to the bottom of the ocean- to
explore...or another technology that would
allow students to make a virtual trip beyond
the bounderies of our own planet.

Just imagine what we could accomplish with
such an effort.

We might turn schools into a place where
children want to be every day.

A place that is exciting because of what
would be available to them.

A place where no pupil would dream of
staying home because of what they might
miss.

JUST Imagine!.
study
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Wed 28 Jan 2009, 1:22 pm

Hi skinman

Interesting thoughts I'll say and I think you are absolutely right. The interest and enjoyment of being in school seems to be gone.

Personally I think it would be so great if everybody could know exactly what they want to learn, and that would keep them motivated and interested in what they are doing and enjoying it.

As for my days in school some years ago, yes I enjoyed up to the point when I realised I didn't know what I wanted to do in life. Buuuut when I found out what I wanted to learn and do for a living, I went ahead and did it, and have never enjoyed it more being in school.

Hoping to see you more on COD4 Wink

David
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Wed 28 Jan 2009, 8:40 pm

Yooo Skinman,

I agree with you aswell but there is a big but geek

It's up to the parents to get the childs interest in school from when they are babies, playing with them reading to them etc, and especially praising them on their achievements, like I pin up on the wall my flower drawings from playschool and now school. Parents have the task to keep the interest going and guide the child the best way possible.
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Thu 29 Jan 2009, 6:02 am

As far as i remember i never found it very exciting going to school.

I don't say, that's the way it should be, but i doubt many more pupils enjoyed
school in the past than nowadays.

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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Thu 29 Jan 2009, 6:50 am

hi all...

Well I left school in the dark
old days of 1962..at the ripe
old age of fifteen.

Already holding down two jobs
...delivering milk.before school
paper round after. the main
Incentive in going to school
was a sense of fear of (if you
are old enough to remember)
capital punishment ie. the cane
or the belt..still sends shivers down
my spine. the education part was good
we had the three r's.. sport (which I
loved...as for the tech side.....
we all had a pencil and some rich guy
in the class had his own eraser.

I think we have come along way
since then..maybe too far as regards
to the lack of control with pupils .
but I agree that many problems stem
from a lack of control by the parents.

the biggest part of the solution always
boils down to the same question....
WHERE'S THE MONEY GOING TO COME
FROM...priorities eh.....
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PostSubject: how big's yours?   Thu 29 Jan 2009, 7:18 am

I presently have twenty mgs.
I think £50 is a wee bit expensive.
wish I had the hundred mgs.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/7783838.stm
Crying or Very sad
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Thu 29 Jan 2009, 8:05 am

agree on the discipline theory, kids today know the teachers cannot really do anything and even if your expelled, some leftie will blame on the child not having enough holidays etc etc and send him on one, and then let him back in cause its not his fault he was beating up people and such likes....

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PostSubject: A LITTLE RED.   Thu 29 Jan 2009, 3:13 pm

You can't believe the words that just
came out of your mouth.

You certainly didn't mean to insult
the lady in line ahead of you...

But it's too late now..what business
is it of yours..how many packets of
biscuits she buys?.

She's staring at you now..angrily.

You feel a sudden jolt as your
heart rate increases...you have a
coppery taste in your mouth..and
your cheeks begin to feel warm.

You..my friend are embarrassed..
and your blushing because of it.

When I was young I used to blush
for the simplest of reasons.

If a girl spoke to me I'd blush..
If anybody spoke to me I'd
blush!.

I didn't realise it till I got older
that it was all down to confidence.

Even at my age now...on certain
occasions...Iv'e still let the odd
blush slip out.

I read where one lady blushed
when she saw any colour white
(strange eh?).

Another had to pinch herself
to try and stop blushing...she
ended up all black and blue.

Then another lady blushed so
much..her glasses steamed up.

I must admit..sometimes when
I look at a female now...my
glasses steam up.

I wouldn't necessarily put that
down to blushing.

What makes you blush?.
Embarassed
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Lady of Winter {KAN}
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Thu 29 Jan 2009, 3:59 pm

Things that make me blush:

1. An intelligent man when he speaks
2. Complimenting my eye color
3. Whispering sweet nothings into my ear
4. A compliment in general. I am truly a humble person (yes! it's true)
5. When Jugador! looks into my eyes.

Everyone thinks because I am loud or bold that I am not shy but it takes me forever to truly warm up to people. That is why I have always relied on humor as a defense mechanism.

Ah, the cat is out of the bag now! LoW has put her kryptonite out there for the world to see. Oh my! geek


Last edited by Lady of Winter {KAN} on Fri 30 Jan 2009, 1:52 am; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Thu 29 Jan 2009, 5:51 pm

cough! splutter! chokes on coffee,my god the lady blushes!! lol!
next your be telling us that your quite shy and rather humble.......wait a min....... dam!!

i like you lady, have always used humour as a defence mechanism and know exactly where your comming from.I guess i use it to conceal my true personality,in case people dont like what they find,i suppose its a lack of confidence in ones own self,and i suspect is quite a common condition.It takes a while for the barriers to come down,to reveal the real person.
many have tried but only a few have succeded,my wife being one of them.is that love?who knows anyways thats another question
not much makes me blush but public speaking i hate.been best man 3 times at friends weddings and hated making speeches,red faced throughout the whole miserable experiance,damn never again! except, as my wife loves to remind me,my daughter gets married,then ill have to make another dam speech and pay for the bleeding wedding as well!! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Thu 29 Jan 2009, 7:09 pm

Lady of Winter {KAN} wrote:
Things that make me blush:

1. An intelligent man when he speaks

Ahhh, you shouldn't really

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Lady of Winter {KAN}
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Thu 29 Jan 2009, 7:15 pm

MONOCHROME {KAN} wrote:
Lady of Winter {KAN} wrote:
Things that make me blush:

1. An intelligent man when he speaks

Ahhh, you shouldn't really

I didn't, really! ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
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PostSubject: pajama game.   Fri 30 Jan 2009, 9:24 am

I read with ammusement that a
devout baptist couple...who
wanted a quiet night in..sat down
with a cup of tea to watch a film
they had bought from a local
supermarket

The film (DORIS DAY in the
PAJAMA GAME).

Instead they were confronted by
Italian sex film (TETTONE CHE
PASSION).

"Some topless young woman
appeared...and started talking in
Italian..It's not what you would
expect from a DORIS DAY film"
said Mrs Brown.

Her husband a retired Doctor said

"He picked up the film...which was
sealed in plastic wrapping for £3
from the bargain bin at a local
supermarket.

"It was a pretty raunchy..explicit film
It certainly pulled no punches"...
said Mr Brown.

"My wife and I were very shocked
but...we watched it until the end..
because we couldn't believe what
we were seeing". ( I wonder if they
watched It twice....just to make
sure?)

"The film became progressivly
more and more graphic...there
was no plot to it...it was just
sex..said Mrs brown".........

I might pop in to see if they still
have it!
ROFL
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Sat 31 Jan 2009, 8:54 am

how do you cope with crippling
depression and lonliness?...

1. self mutilation.

2. yelling at cashiers.

3. alcohol abuse.

4.purchasing unnecessary stuff.

5. staring at walls as the sun
slowly sets...casting the
bed room in darkness.

6. take up acting.
------------------
what attracts us to the
opposite sex...

100 male howler monkeys
were asked...what they notice
first about a female...

9% eyes.

15% lips.

20% hair.

25% incisors.

98% distended red anus.
Embarassed

what attracts you to women?.
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Lady of Winter {KAN}
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Sat 31 Jan 2009, 9:34 am

All I can say to your last post is:
lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: slinman's speak up! section.   Sun 01 Feb 2009, 10:45 am

you women have had it
for long enough..it's the
guys turn for liberation.

ROFL ROFL
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Mon 02 Feb 2009, 6:48 am

A British motorcyclist who posted an online video
of himself speeding has been jailed for 12 weeks!

28-year-old Sandor Ferenci posted a video showing
himself performing stunts...wheelies and skids on
YouTube on his Yamaha R6 motorcycle...as well as
racing on the wrong side of the road in Oxfordshire
England.

A motorist who witnessed the stunts recorded the
registration number and informed local police who
then traced it to Mr. Ferenci’s home.


At this stage the police were unaware of the online
video!


But when questioned by the police...Mr. Ferenci asked:
“Is this about the YouTube video?”

The video...which was filmed by a friend...was then
examined by police...and showed Mr. Ferenci driving
dangerously and at excessive speeds.

Although the exact speed could not be recorded
it is estimated that he may have reached 130 miles
per hour - well above any national speed limits.

In addition to the 12 week jail sentence...Mr. Ferenci
was barred from driving for two years...and told he
would need to take an extended driving test before
being allowed back on the road... No wonder we
bikers get a bad name... geek
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 5:43 pm

here is an easy test
all you guys should
fly through first
attempt....
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 8:44 pm

skinman {kan} wrote:
here is an easy test
all you guys should
fly through first
attempt....The Idiot Test

Whoops lol!
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 9:57 pm

Bike sex man .

A man caught trying to have sex with
his bicycle has been sentenced to three
years on probation.

Robert Stewart.. 51.. admitted a sexually
aggravated breach of the peace by
conducting himself in a disorderly manner
and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on
the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his
bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the
Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson.. prosecuting.. told Ayr Sheriff
Court..
"They knocked on the door several times
and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door
and they then observed the accused wearing
only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving
his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked"
told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart...

"In almost four decades in the law I thought
I had come across every perversion known
to mankind.. but this is a new one on me.

I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence.. claiming it
was caused by a misunderstanding after he
had too much to drink.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel
since October 2006 after moving from his
council house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr...

Seen any pretty bikes lately?
geek
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Wed 04 Feb 2009, 7:32 am

Is this him?

Photobucket


ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Wed 04 Feb 2009, 9:44 am

I heard he settled down
with new friends....

Embarassed
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Wed 04 Feb 2009, 10:42 am

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A UK man..Brian Rawsthorne..

who claimed that he couldn't walk
20 yards without crutches...and
who collected £12000 in public
benefits..was found guilty of fraud.

after it was discovered that he had
run a 10km road race.....
and that he even boasted about it..
and the 35 pounds of weight he lost
during training for it.. to a local
newspaper.

He was also caught refereeing football
matches and umpiring cricket games.

Proving that when it comes to deceit

that he can walk the walk AND talk the
talk.

Rawsthorne claims that he is still
disabled and can't walk 20 yards.

That he was in "absolute agony"
running the 10km for 2 hours and
21 minutes

He goes on to say"...I've been dishonest.
But I've not done it deceitfully..."

whatever that means!

And what did his lawyer say when asked
by the judge.. if the 10km race indicated
that Rawsthorne's condition had improved?

"I don't think you can look at an isolated
incident and say that because he did the
walk... his condition has changed."

think I'll buy a new
pair of joggies....
pale
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Wed 04 Feb 2009, 3:00 pm

If you think rock'n'roll
singers lead a wild life..

I should gently point you
in the direction of the book
(DAYS LIKE THIS}...

A collection of short..but
real stories from across
Scotland.

In it the lead singer from
the group (IDLEWILD)...
RODDY WOMBLE...

Tells of going camping with
his family when he was six..

and how he made friends
with a brick....

RODDY says...

"IT wasn't long before brick
and I were pretty tight.

I found a long piece of string..
which I tied to brick...so I could
pull him along behind me...

We'd go for long walks together".

"Other children I met seemed
Initially curious of brick....

Thinking I might have something
wrong with me...wondering why I
had a brick for a pet".

"But they soon took a fondness
for him...some even found their
own pet bricks".

sadly the brick finally broke into
pieces...and RODDY writes

"I have never had a pet since".

A view from RODDY'S
bedroom window.. geek


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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Thu 05 Feb 2009, 2:16 pm

A glasgow pizza house is
auctioning off what they
call the world's most
expensive pizza on ..
ST Valentine's day..for
the charity oxfam.

It will include edible gold
leaf..crushed pearls...
and oysters..however
baking a version yesterday
the pizza house people were
stymied by a 79 year old
customer who...when offered
a slice..declined..saying..

"It might break ma teeth son".
.................
Talking of St Valentine's Day
a well known superstore is
advertising suggested...
valentine's day gifts for the
woman of your dreams..
Including an..."I love you"
keyring for £2....

"A belly bar" so that your
loved one can pierce herself.

For those with a bit of cash..

A "toaster" for £40 pounds.

Who says the romantic
scotsman doesn't exist?.

Embarassed
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Fri 06 Feb 2009, 5:47 am

?
You get sentenced for simulating sex with a bike

it's good he didn't live in texas or he might have been fried
Shocked

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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Fri 06 Feb 2009, 4:33 pm

A woman was overheard
in a wine bar...discussing
A mutual friend..with one
of them declaring...

"She's not as promiscuous
as you make out..she told
me she could count on one
hand..all the men she had
slept with".

"was she holding a calculator
at the time?"...

Asked the more world weary
of the party!.

Embarassed

-------------

Do we believe the chap...
who told us he was going to
his first Gamblers-Anonymous
meeting...and was surprised
that it was timed to start at
10 to one.

affraid

--------------

The Scottish Government has
Issued a discussion document
on "Changes to the Identification
of Equidae"..which everyone knows
means that foals and unregistered
horses will be microchipped.

Equidaes are..hoofed mammals
and include-horses-donkeys-ponies
and zebras..although not many of the
latter are actually bred in Scotland.

why the need to microchip zebras..
when all they have to do is read their
bar codes.
Embarassed
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Sat 07 Feb 2009, 12:09 pm

what about a couple who took their
family to a posh country house hotel
for the week end...

saw their young daughter stare at
the stag's head on the wall.

But rather than being petrified...

she asked....

"Can I go through the door and
see the rest of it?"
------------------------

A chap was watching the evening
news on the pub telly and an item
came on about a train being derailed
when it ran into a herd of cattle that
had strayed on to the line.

Those in the bar hoped he was joking
when he said...

"Could the driver no' have
swerved roon it?".
------------------------
What about the man who worked in
the cleansing department.

On the night.. the story was told of
how the man had once opened up
a wheelie bin in which a cat had been
foraging for scraps.

When he lifted the lid.. the cat
leaped out.

Without thinking...he turned to the
rest of the crew and said...

"Some heartless bas@@rd threw
oot a perfectly good white cat!"
------------------------

An American woman chatting
to a Glaswegian.. with the
American.. a hunting shooting
Republican..saying she had
only recently discovered that
it was illegal to carry a knife
in Scotland...

yet in America they had a right
to carry a concealed weapon.

"Everyone in Glasgow carries
a concealed weapon"..
the scot responded.

"It's called their wit."

But she didn't seem to get it.

Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Sun 08 Feb 2009, 10:32 am

A university has apologised to
a scientist for throwing away
his treasured collection of
lizard poo.

The Graduate biologist who
spent seven years combing
inhospitable jungles to amass
his unique hoard.. was told the
77lb bag had been thrown out
during a lab clear-out.

It was meant to help him in the
pursuit of his doctorate at Leeds
University on the rare
Butaan lizard.. a little-known
species of Monitor lizard that is
related to the fearsome Komodo
dragon.

Oh SH/T....
----------------

For some it would be the stuff
of childhood nightmares.. but a
Japanese company is creating
robot dolls that look just like
their customers.

Customers place their order for
a robot doll along with a photo
of who they would like it to
resemble and six months later
they receive a spookily similar
"Mini-Me".. in the post.

Mine would be shot at customs..
...............

Researchers have discovered
what women are really thinking
when they look into a man’s
eyes – and it is all about the
size of their...pupils.

Women become attracted to
men with large pupils just as
they are approaching their
most fertile time of the month
the study at Edinburgh
University found.

Scientists suggest that it may
be because it indicates that
the man is sexually interested
in them and available for mating.

Pupil size made no significant
difference for the rest of the
menstrual cycle.

Just as well...mine being like
pissholes in the snow...
Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Mon 09 Feb 2009, 12:05 pm

A woman in the wine bar
tells her pals that the
question of mortality was
broached by her boyfriend
who declared that if he could
choose.. then he would want
to die while making love to her.

Draining her glass of wine she
added..

"Ah well.. at least it would be
a quick death".. I told him.
pale
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Tue 10 Feb 2009, 6:57 am

A lady who lunches out with
her friends in a Glasgow city
centre restaurant.. was not
impressed by her tired-looking
chocolate cake.

She sniffed it and declared..
"It smells like cocoa."

The smug waiter told her..

"It's chocolate cake...

It should smell like cocoa."

"Coco's my dog"..

she replied....
.......................

A man came back from his
holidays and immediately
told his boss that he needed
time off to get married".

the boss told him he couldn't
give him the time off and..
anyway.. why didn't he get
married when he was away.

"What? And spoil the holiday?"
he told him.
.......................


Last edited by skinman {kan} on Tue 10 Feb 2009, 8:15 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Tue 10 Feb 2009, 8:08 am

I read with Interest the other day that

EXPERTS in India claim they will start

a computer"revolution"- after

unveiling a laptop priced at just £7

Now the aim is to give a computer to
every student in the vast country.

The official launch is in the southern
Indian town of Tirupati next week.

It is hoped that the machine will
soon be on sale in Europe.

The £7 laptop comes from the
Indian government's National
Mission on Education.

Development costs were kept
down as students at Vellore
Institute of Technology and
the Indian Institute of Science..
Bangalore..designed the
revolutionary new device.

Costs are kept low not just
because of the new technology
but also because so many will
be made.

Officials have refused to say
anything more about plans for
the computer before the
official launch.

The news will be a blow
for the $100 laptop developed
by the US's Massachusetts
Institute of Technology.

the One Laptop Per Child
programme......
a US non-profit organisation
set up to oversee the creation
of an affordable educational
device for use in the developing
world.. announced it was cutting
staff numbers.

Cheaper Technology
equals Job losses.

scratch
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Wed 11 Feb 2009, 9:19 pm

An uprising...

Today.. after centuries of
unhappiness at Scotland's
miserable weather and lifestyle..
the country was officially sacked
by the Scots.

In a scene that could easily have
come out of 'Fawlty Towers'.. millions
of people turned out into the streets
at the news.. and grabbed sticks off
trees and neighbours' fences.

"Right!"..

they shouted..
time and time again we've laid it on
the line for you! We've told you to stop
raining and sleeting 11 months of the
year.. we've told you to make things
less depressing and more fun.. and
we've told you to give us long hot
summers and decent food and sunlight
for more than 6 hours a day in December.

Now we're going to give you a damn good
thrashing!..

and with that millions began attacking the
ground with sticks and stones.. while others
cheered them on.

One Scot.. Miss Fiona McAlpine.. said..

"At last!
Now we can give ourselves heart disease
eating deep-fried cakes and smoking
counterfeit ciggies.. all in tropical heat while
sipping vodka...
and Irn Bru cocktails".

And another passing shoplifter..Rab C Nesbitt..
added..

"See Scawtland.. by the way.. it isnae fit fer a
dog tae live in - noo get ra party started..
ya bams!

Scotland has been seen as one of the most
depressing places in the world to live in..
and Scots themselves make Russians and
Norwegians seem like a laugh a minute..
but the sacking may change such
attitudes - mebbe.. mebbe no.

Scottish weather forecasts will.. however
remain as ghastly as ever.

ROFL
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Fri 13 Feb 2009, 1:44 pm

The truth is.. men face countless
problems - terrible.. terrible problems.

The kind of problems that women can
only dream about.. and even then only
if they've eaten something extremely
exotic like a large plate of Milk chocolate
just before they go to bed.

the kind of problems that are so terrible
that I can't bring myself to end this
sentence so that I can start thinking
about what they are ...

Oh..yes..I've thought of a few things.

What about the anguish and pain that
comes from realising that no matter
how dimmed the lighting no-one is
ever going to mistake you for Brad
Pitt?

What about the pain and anguish that
comes from the realisation that no
matter how much you spend on a
brand new set of tools from B&Q..
you are never going to be any
good at fixing the car.

don't get me started on the pain
and anguish that comes with
supporting a football team.

Yes.. I know women support
football teams.. too.. but not like
men.

Not like the men who call the
football phone-in every Saturday
night in pain over the latest
misfortune to befall their team.

Men who wouldn't lose a minute's
sleep if an asteroid was about to
slam into the Earth.. ending mankind
forever.. are in tears over their team
manager's tactics.

Men who had both arms ripped off
in an unfortunate farmyard accident
agonise over their teams tiny transfer
budget...yes...

It is tough being a man.. but whatever
you do.. please God.. don't tell the
little woman...
Not while she's got that hot
iron in her hands.
Very Happy
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PostSubject: 40 Funny Reasons Why It's Wonderful To Be A Woman   Fri 13 Feb 2009, 9:41 pm

1. When a ship sinks, women (and children) get off first.

2. A woman can hug her best friend without worrying she'll think she's gay.

3. Women can talk to attractive members of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

4. A woman can never be blamed if it's wet on the floor around the toilet bowl.

5. If a woman cheats on her spouse everyone will assume it's because she was being emotionally neglected.

6. Women are capable of doing at least two different things to a passable standard at the same time.

7. Women live longer than men.

8. Women know how to cover up spots and other facial blemishes.

9. If a woman inexplicably disappears for two weeks, one of her friends will notice.

10. Women mature earlier than men (some men never mature at all).

11. There are times when chocolate is really the answer to all woman's problems.

12. Women don't feel uncomfortable with gay waiters or hairdressers.

13. A woman can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

14. Women know the truth about whether size matters...

15. A woman can take a drive without trying to beat her best time.

16. If a woman forgets to shave, no-one has to know.

17. Women are capable of going longer than five minutes without thinking about either sex or football.

18. Women never lust after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

19. Women can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

20. Women can cry and get off a speeding ticket.

21. A woman can get a whole new lease on life just by changing her lipstick.

22. A woman can congratulate her team-mate without ever touching her rear.

23. Women don't have to worry about catching anything important in their zipper.

24. If a woman says something stupid, most men will just think she's cute.

25. Women can admit to others when they've made a mistake

26. If a woman cries, she's sensitive; if a man cries, he's a wimp.

27. Women know who their children are without having a DNA test.

28. It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mummy's boy.

29. Women can wear platforms - which is why there is no such thing as a short woman's complex.

30. Women can watch one TV channel at a time without getting bored.

31. Women have total control over their eyebrows.

32. Women can get drunk quicker and cheaper than men.

33. A woman's friend won't try to persuade her to get a tattoo while she's drunk.

34. A woman won't drive to Hell and back before she asks for directions.

35. Women aren't covered with hair like shag carpeting.

36. Woman don't feel threatened if their partner earns more than they do.

37. For women, a new season means a whole new wardrobe.

38. Women know exactly what buttons to push to get exactly what they want.

39. Women don't think reading the manual is a betrayal of all their species stands for.

40. Women can keep pot plants alive for more than a week.

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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Sat 14 Feb 2009, 1:39 am

Jim and Edna were both patients
in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking
past the hospital swimming pool..
Jim suddenly jumped into the deep
end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool
and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him.

She swam to the bottom and pulled
Jim out.

When the medical director became
aware of Edna’s heroic act..he
immediately ordered her to be
discharged from the hospital as
he now considered her to be mentally
stable.

When he went to tell Edna the news
he said..“Edna..I have good news
and bad news.

The good news is you’re being
discharged..since you were able
to rationally respond to a crisis
by jumping in and saving the life
of another patient.

I have concluded that your act
displays sound mindness.

The bad news is..Jim.. the patient
you saved.. hung himself with his

bathrobe belt in the bathroom.

I am so sorry.. but he’s dead".

Edna replied..

“He didn’t hang himself..

I put him there to dry.”
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Sat 14 Feb 2009, 12:05 pm

My brain is a masterpiece.

It has 2 halves the right
and the left.

The left has nothing right
in it and the right has
nothing left in it.
geek
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PostSubject: 12 reasons why....   Sat 14 Feb 2009, 12:33 pm

It's great to be a man....

1} You know stuff about tanks.

2} You can open all your own jars.

3} Your ass is never a factor in a
job interview.

4} The garage is all yours.

5} Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

6} If you're 34 and single nobody notices.

7} You get to think about sex 90% of
your waking hours.

8} The world is your urinal

9} The remote is yours and yours alone.

10} Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

11} Baywatch

12} All your orgasms are real.
Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Sat 14 Feb 2009, 1:26 pm

skinman {kan} wrote:
It's great to be a man....

1} You know stuff about tanks.

2} You can open all your own jars.

3} Your ass is never a factor in a
job interview.

4} The garage is all yours.

5} Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

6} If you're 34 and single nobody notices.

7} You get to think about sex 90% of
your waking hours.

8} The world is your urinal

9} The remote is yours and yours alone.

10} Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

11} Baywatch

12} All your orgasms are real.

OMG!!!
Very Happy
ROFL ROFL
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Sat 14 Feb 2009, 1:38 pm

skinman {kan} wrote:
It's great to be a man....

1} You know stuff about tanks.

2} You can open all your own jars.

3} Your ass is never a factor in a
job interview.

4} The garage is all yours.

5} Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

6} If you're 34 and single nobody notices.

7} You get to think about sex 90% of
your waking hours.

8} The world is your urinal

9} The remote is yours and yours alone.

10} Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

11} Baywatch

12} All your orgasms are real.
Very Happy

lol!
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Sun 15 Feb 2009, 5:53 am

A Department of Psychiatry
study has established that..
according to their menstrual
cycle....women are drawn to
different types of male facial
features.

For example.. during ovulation..
a woman is attracted to a man
with rugged.....
masculine features.

"However.. if she's menstruating
or menopausal".. "she will be more
attracted to a man with duct tape
over his mouth.. his eyebrows
on fire.. and a spear lodged
in his chest."
affraid
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Sun 15 Feb 2009, 6:05 am

An elderly Jewish man who
had been praying at the
Wailing Wall twice a day...
every day..for 60 years.

"What do you pray for"?
An enquiring mind asked.

The old man's reply...

"I pray for peace between
the Christians.. Jews..
and Muslims.

I pray for the hatred to stop..
and I pray for all our children
to grow up in safety and
friendship"...

"And how do you feel after
having done this for 60 years"?

The old man answered...

"Like I'm talking to a wall."
Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Sun 15 Feb 2009, 6:24 am

Computer Man...
which type are you....

Disk utility man.. the only
gadget you can work is
your sound system.

Internet explorer man..
most conversant with
dodgy websites.

Quick-time player man..
can only hack five-a-side
football these days.

Facebook man.. never out
of the bathroom in less
than 30 minutes.

Google boy.. a bit of a
know-all..but occasionally
useful.
geek
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Mon 16 Feb 2009, 2:16 pm

An advertising campaign warning
of the links between cannabis use
and mental health damage has
just been launched.

In A television advert.. the negative
effects of the drug - memory loss..
paranoia.. and panic attacks - appear
as unwanted guests at a party in the
user's brain.

Cannabis user.. Simon.. smokes a joint
and at first feels giggly.. talkative and
craves food.. before the side effects
of the drug take over.

The advert...which follows the
reclassification of cannabis into
Class B last month.. is targeted at
11-18 year olds.

It urges youngsters with questions about
the drug to "Talk to Frank" by calling an
information line or visiting the campaign
website.

Cannabis is the most commonly used
llegal drug in Britain.

"There is evidence of a link between
cannabis and mental health problems
such as schizophrenia.. and those who
first use it at an early age may be
more at risk.......

Millions of government funds are spent
each year..... attempting to eliminate
the supply and use of Illegal drugs.

these attempts seem to be ineffective
we should I think respond to the current
crisis.. with a rational exploration
of options for effectively regulating....
and controlling drug production...supply
and use within the law..rather than
pursuing a failed counter-productive
and endless war.

If the powers that be were serious
about cutting drug related crime..
it would adopt a controlled legislation
approach.

what do you think?....

silent
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Tue 17 Feb 2009, 12:29 am

Skinman {KAN} wrote: these attempts seem to be ineffective we should I think respond to the current crisis.. with a rational exploration of options for effectively regulating.... and controlling drug production...supply and use within the law..rather than pursuing a failed counter-productive and endless war.

If the powers that be were serious about cutting drug related crime.. it would adopt a controlled legislation approach.
what do you think?....

_______________________________________________________________

I have to agree with regulation and controlling drug production.

Even though I do not use illegal substances (contrary to popular belief), I am an advocate for legalizing the use of marijuana. One reason is the current overpopulation of our nation's prisons - many inmates are doing time for marijuana possession. It takes a great deal of money to house one prisoner. This is money that could b better spent on education or other worthy programs.

Secondly, I feel that marijuana should be made legally accessible to patients suffering with cancer, or other pain-causing illnesses (instead of morphine) in order to assist with pain management.

There are countless other pro reasons, but these are my two major concerns.

But, until it is made legal, I do not suggest anyone partake in any illegal activity.
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Tue 17 Feb 2009, 1:22 am

BONG OLYMPICS....

bong olympics
Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Tue 17 Feb 2009, 7:37 am

A GLASGOW senior citizen
trying to come to grips with
her new television system..
which records programmes
on its hard drive..saw an
error message flash up on
the screen telling her that
the film she wanted to record
had not taped as it had
become corrupted.

She was later heard telling
a friend..

"Yes.. it wouldn't let me
record that film last night
as it said it would
corrupt me".
..................................

what about the car driver
stopped by traffic cops
and told to walk to the back
of the car to see what they
had spotted as being wrong.

When he got there the chap
became very agitated.. held
his head in his hands and
wailed..

"What have I done?"

One of the officers told him
to calm down.. and added..

"It's just a broken tail-light..
not a big deal."

"Big deal?"
shouted the driver.

"Where the hell's my
trailer and speedboat?"
.........................

Thinking of the credit crunch..
has anyone noticed that...
the word "debit card" is
an anagram of "bad credit"

Rolling Eyes
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PostSubject: Re: SKINMAN'S SPEAK UP! SECTION.   Wed 18 Feb 2009, 3:47 pm

A car was involved in an accident
As expected a crowd gathered
and a journalist from the
Evening News was anxious to
get a story but he could not
get near the car.

Being a clever clogs he
started shouting loudly..

"Let me through!
Let me through!

I am the son of the victim".

The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car
was a donkey.
geek


Last edited by skinman {kan} on Wed 18 Feb 2009, 4:21 pm; edited 2 times in total
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