o my

lol omg thats hilarious

JUST MARRIED


Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her.
"Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs.
"Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother.

"This is a job for Mama"!!!

Jock and the Englishman.

Jock and a Englishman were flying from Edinburgh when the stewardess approached. "May I get you something?" she asked. "Aye, a whusky" Jock replied.
She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd like one. "Never!" he said sternly. "I'd rather be raped and ravished by whores all the way to America than drink whisky!"
Jock hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och, Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"

How did the japanese torture the scottish
prisoners of war; over in Burma ?.

They would put on some traditional
scottish dance music; and nail their
feet to the floor...

Holy fuk man thats funny

omg ROFL

The Faith Healer.




The news had spread like wildfire round Dublin. At the Point Theatre on Saturday there would be a very special event. It would be the only appearance in Ireland of the world-famous Brendini, the faith healer. Tickets sold like hot cakes and come the evening the theatre was packed out two hours early. The audience sat in great expectation of the wonders to come and many a one began to feel a little overcome by the importance of it all.

At last the moment came and the public address boomed out the news:

'Ladies and gentlemen, please meet and greet the greatest living healer. The one, the only, the fabulous Brendini!'

Lights flashed, smoke bombs exploded, fanfares blared and out strode the man himself to a standing ovation.

'Brothers and sisters!' said the great man. 'It is a delight to be with you all, and tonight I hope to heal as many people as I can' - cheers, applause, music.

'Now, without further ado,' added Brendini, 'I would like volunteers on stage right now. Is there anyone out there with an affliction? Please let me know now.'

'Here, sir. Over here,' cried Murphy. 'I've got a badly twisted leg from where the horse kicked me. I can't stand without crutches. Can you heal me?'

'Indeed yes,' said Brendini. 'Come on up. Now, is there anyone else afflicted?'

'Y-y-y-yes, s-s-sir,' called O'Brien. 'I-I-I've g-g-got a t-t-terrible st-st-st-stammer.'

'Come on up to me,' said the great one, and O'Brien strode up.

'Now,' said Brendini, 'I want you, Mr Murphy, to go behind the screen,' and Murphy did.

'Now,' went on the great man, 'I want you to raise your eyes to the Lord and throw out your left crutch!'

Out flew the crutch, and the audience cried, 'Hallelujah!'

'Now, Murphy, raise your eyes to the Lord and throw out your right crutch!'

Out came the second crutch and the people screamed, 'Hallelujah - it's a miracle!'

'Now,' said Brendini, 'Mr O'Brien, I want you to go behind the screen, raise your eyes to the Lord and say the first thing that comes into your head.'

O'Brien walked behind the screen, and said:

'M-M-M-Murphy's f-f-fell over!'