:rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3:

The pilot of an aerobatic biplane landed on
a field; belonging to a scottish farmer; to
make some adjustments to his engine.

While he was tinkering with his machine
he noticed the scotsman and his wife
watching with a great deal of curiosity.
The scotsman asked the pilot how much
he would charge; to give his wife and
him a ride....."Well" said the pilot;
"normally I charge £40 pounds each;
but if you are both completely Quiet
throughout the flight; the ride will
be free of charge"...."If I hear the
least amount of noise; you will pay
the full fare".

The couple Quickly climbed aboard;
and the pilot taxied and took off.

Immediately the pilot proceeded
to put his plane through all of it's
paces: Barrel rolls; stalls; spins;
split s maneuvers : You name
it and he did it.
The couple in the back of the
plane were completely silent
throughout the thirty minute
flight.....Upon landing; the
pilot said "I really have to
hand it to you; for keeping
Quiet through all that"!

"AYE " said the scotsman "but
I'll admit Ye almost heard me
when the wife fell out"!!!

Excellent..... :rofl3: :rofl3:

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts
of Monte Casino went to his local church for
confession...When the priest slid open the panel
in the confessional; the man said; "Father during
the 2nd world war; a beautiful woman knocked
on my door and asked me if; I could hide her
from the enemy....So I hid her in my attic.

The priest replied "That was a wonderful
thing you did my son and you have no need
to confess that". ..."It's worse than that father
she started to repay me with sexual favours".

The priest said "By doing that you were both
in great danger; however; two people under
those circumstances; can be tempted to act
that way...But if you are truly sorry for your
actions; then I forgive you my son".

"Thank you father; thats a great load off
my mind I've carried for years".

"But I have one more question; I feel
I must ask".

"And what is that?" Asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?".

Dirty Mind Survey


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HOW DIRTY IS YOUR MIND???
When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole.
What am I?

A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
What am I?

All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me.
What am I?

I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
What am I?

If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news.
What am I?

I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off.
What am I?

I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
What am I?

I make some guys shoot in the air. I usually have a little pecker. I'm better in your hand than in your bush.
What am I?

This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 6 inches long.. The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes, is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other. In use, it is quickly inserted, almost always willingly, some-times slowly, sometime quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less.
What is it?



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ANSWERS:


A dentist
A wedding ring
An elevator
A nose
A newspaper boy
A glove
An arrow
A bird
A toothbrush, of course

OMG! I HAVE THE WORST STUFF IN MY MIND 10! OUT OF 1-10 LOL

good one skin!!!