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 big fat and juciy/joke time!

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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Mon 06 Oct 2008, 7:47 pm

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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Tue 07 Oct 2008, 12:21 am



Last edited by One Armed Ninja on Tue 21 Oct 2008, 6:30 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Tue 07 Oct 2008, 1:17 am

ROFL ROFL ROFL
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Tue 07 Oct 2008, 6:04 am

:rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3:
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Tue 07 Oct 2008, 6:37 pm



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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Tue 07 Oct 2008, 7:48 pm

lol!
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Tue 07 Oct 2008, 8:05 pm

lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Tue 07 Oct 2008, 8:12 pm

ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Wed 08 Oct 2008, 12:57 am



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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Wed 08 Oct 2008, 3:46 am

lol! ROFL
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Wed 08 Oct 2008, 2:31 pm



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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Wed 08 Oct 2008, 6:08 pm

lol! Barf

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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Wed 08 Oct 2008, 7:49 pm

ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Wed 08 Oct 2008, 8:04 pm

:rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: lol!
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Thu 09 Oct 2008, 12:56 am



Last edited by One Armed Ninja on Tue 21 Oct 2008, 6:31 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Thu 09 Oct 2008, 1:13 am

ROFL
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PostSubject: big fat and juicy/joke time   Thu 09 Oct 2008, 10:56 am

The pilot of an aerobatic biplane landed on
a field; belonging to a scottish farmer; to
make some adjustments to his engine.

While he was tinkering with his machine
he noticed the scotsman and his wife
watching with a great deal of curiosity.
The scotsman asked the pilot how much
he would charge; to give his wife and
him a ride....."Well" said the pilot;
"normally I charge Ģ40 pounds each;
but if you are both completely Quiet
throughout the flight; the ride will
be free of charge"...."If I hear the
least amount of noise; you will pay
the full fare".

The couple Quickly climbed aboard;
and the pilot taxied and took off.

Immediately the pilot proceeded
to put his plane through all of it's
paces: Barrel rolls; stalls; spins;
split s maneuvers : You name
it and he did it.
The couple in the back of the
plane were completely silent
throughout the thirty minute
flight.....Upon landing; the
pilot said "I really have to
hand it to you; for keeping
Quiet through all that"!

"AYE " said the scotsman "but
I'll admit Ye almost heard me
when the wife fell out"!!! Laughing
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Thu 09 Oct 2008, 11:23 am

lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Thu 09 Oct 2008, 3:00 pm



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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Thu 09 Oct 2008, 3:13 pm



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PostSubject: big fat and juicy/ joke time   Thu 09 Oct 2008, 3:27 pm

Excellent..... ROFL applaus :rofl3: applaus :rofl3: applaus
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PostSubject: big fat and juicy/joke time   Thu 09 Oct 2008, 4:48 pm

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts
of Monte Casino went to his local church for
confession...When the priest slid open the panel
in the confessional; the man said; "Father during
the 2nd world war; a beautiful woman knocked
on my door and asked me if; I could hide her
from the enemy....So I hid her in my attic.

The priest replied "That was a wonderful
thing you did my son and you have no need
to confess that". ..."It's worse than that father
she started to repay me with sexual favours".

The priest said "By doing that you were both
in great danger; however; two people under
those circumstances; can be tempted to act
that way...But if you are truly sorry for your
actions; then I forgive you my son".

"Thank you father; thats a great load off
my mind I've carried for years".

"But I have one more question; I feel
I must ask".

"And what is that?" Asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?". no no
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PostSubject: big fat and juicy/joke time   Thu 09 Oct 2008, 7:39 pm

Dirty Mind Survey


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


HOW DIRTY IS YOUR MIND???
When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole.
What am I?

A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
What am I?

All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me.
What am I?

I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
What am I?

If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news.
What am I?

I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off.
What am I?

I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
What am I?

I make some guys shoot in the air. I usually have a little pecker. I'm better in your hand than in your bush.
What am I?

This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 6 inches long.. The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes, is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other. In use, it is quickly inserted, almost always willingly, some-times slowly, sometime quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less.
What is it?



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ANSWERS:


A dentist
A wedding ring
An elevator
A nose
A newspaper boy
A glove
An arrow
A bird
A toothbrush, of course Embarassed
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Thu 09 Oct 2008, 10:38 pm

OMG! I HAVE THE WORST STUFF IN MY MIND 10! OUT OF 1-10 LOL
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Thu 09 Oct 2008, 11:13 pm

good one skin!!!
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Thu 09 Oct 2008, 11:43 pm

o my
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Thu 09 Oct 2008, 11:56 pm



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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Fri 10 Oct 2008, 2:34 am

lol omg thats hilarious lol! lol! ROFL
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PostSubject: big fat and juicy/joke time   Fri 10 Oct 2008, 10:37 am

JUST MARRIED


Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her.
"Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs.
"Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother.

"This is a job for Mama"!!! naughty
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PostSubject: big fat and juicy/joke time   Fri 10 Oct 2008, 11:05 am

Jock and the Englishman.

Jock and a Englishman were flying from Edinburgh when the stewardess approached. "May I get you something?" she asked. "Aye, a whusky" Jock replied.
She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd like one. "Never!" he said sternly. "I'd rather be raped and ravished by whores all the way to America than drink whisky!"
Jock hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och, Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!" naughty
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PostSubject: big fat and juicy/joke time   Fri 10 Oct 2008, 11:32 am

How did the japanese torture the scottish
prisoners of war; over in Burma ?.

They would put on some traditional
scottish dance music; and nail their
feet to the floor... cyclops
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Fri 10 Oct 2008, 1:07 pm



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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Fri 10 Oct 2008, 1:08 pm



Last edited by One Armed Ninja on Tue 21 Oct 2008, 6:33 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Fri 10 Oct 2008, 2:56 pm

Holy fuk ROFL ROFL ROFL man thats funny lol!
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Fri 10 Oct 2008, 6:49 pm



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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Fri 10 Oct 2008, 7:32 pm

lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Sat 11 Oct 2008, 3:09 am

lol! lol! omg ROFL
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PostSubject: big fat and juicy/joke time   Sat 11 Oct 2008, 3:29 pm

The Faith Healer.




The news had spread like wildfire round Dublin. At the Point Theatre on Saturday there would be a very special event. It would be the only appearance in Ireland of the world-famous Brendini, the faith healer. Tickets sold like hot cakes and come the evening the theatre was packed out two hours early. The audience sat in great expectation of the wonders to come and many a one began to feel a little overcome by the importance of it all.

At last the moment came and the public address boomed out the news:

'Ladies and gentlemen, please meet and greet the greatest living healer. The one, the only, the fabulous Brendini!'

Lights flashed, smoke bombs exploded, fanfares blared and out strode the man himself to a standing ovation.

'Brothers and sisters!' said the great man. 'It is a delight to be with you all, and tonight I hope to heal as many people as I can' - cheers, applause, music.

'Now, without further ado,' added Brendini, 'I would like volunteers on stage right now. Is there anyone out there with an affliction? Please let me know now.'

'Here, sir. Over here,' cried Murphy. 'I've got a badly twisted leg from where the horse kicked me. I can't stand without crutches. Can you heal me?'

'Indeed yes,' said Brendini. 'Come on up. Now, is there anyone else afflicted?'

'Y-y-y-yes, s-s-sir,' called O'Brien. 'I-I-I've g-g-got a t-t-terrible st-st-st-stammer.'

'Come on up to me,' said the great one, and O'Brien strode up.

'Now,' said Brendini, 'I want you, Mr Murphy, to go behind the screen,' and Murphy did.

'Now,' went on the great man, 'I want you to raise your eyes to the Lord and throw out your left crutch!'

Out flew the crutch, and the audience cried, 'Hallelujah!'

'Now, Murphy, raise your eyes to the Lord and throw out your right crutch!'

Out came the second crutch and the people screamed, 'Hallelujah - it's a miracle!'

'Now,' said Brendini, 'Mr O'Brien, I want you to go behind the screen, raise your eyes to the Lord and say the first thing that comes into your head.'

O'Brien walked behind the screen, and said:

'M-M-M-Murphy's f-f-fell over!' affraid
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Sat 11 Oct 2008, 3:50 pm



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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Sat 11 Oct 2008, 4:07 pm



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PostSubject: big fat and juicy/joke time   Sat 11 Oct 2008, 4:23 pm

Wee Tam

What about Wee tam who found riches
in America; and sent home a newly
discovered rejuvinating pill gauranteed
to take years off a persons age.

"Try a course of these Mother" he wrote.

"I'll be home in six months- I cant wait
to see the change in you".....

Six months came and went and Wee
Tam arrived at Glasgow.

Through the waiting throng at the
airport came a stunning blonde girl
pushing a pram....

"Tam"....."Tam.... Dont you recognise
me ?" "I'm your mother!.

"I took one of those pills and look at
me"!

"In the name of heaven"! said Tam

"Whats that in the pram?"

"Ach thats your father he took
two pills"! :)
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PostSubject: big fat and juicy/joke time   Sat 11 Oct 2008, 4:40 pm

Ninja .... ROFL applaus ROFL ROFL :rofl3:
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PostSubject: big fat and juicy/joke time   Sat 11 Oct 2008, 5:33 pm

great jokes One armed ninja lol!
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Tue 14 Oct 2008, 11:56 pm



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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Wed 15 Oct 2008, 2:51 am



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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Thu 16 Oct 2008, 2:08 pm



Last edited by One Armed Ninja on Tue 21 Oct 2008, 6:38 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: big fat and juicy /joke time   Thu 16 Oct 2008, 7:50 pm

Jock finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone into foreclosure and he's in serious financial problems. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. "God, please help me. Ah've lost ma wee store and if Ah dinna get some money, Ah'm going to lose my hoose too. Please let me win the lottery!" Lottery night! Someone else wins... Jock prays again. "God, please let me win the lottery! Ah've lost my wee store, ma hoose and Ah'm going to lose ma car as weel!" Lottery night again! Still no luck... Jock prays again.
"Ah've lost ma business, ma hoose and ma car. Ma bairns are starving. Ah dinna often ask Ye for help and Ah have always been a good servant to Ye. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so Ah can get back on ma feet!"
Suddenly there is a blinding flash as the heavens open and the voice of God Himself thunders:
"Jock at least meet Me half way and buy a ticket!"


................





Jock was returning home from the pub, smelling like a distillery.
He flopped on a bus seat next to a priest. His tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of whiskey was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. Then he asked the priest,
"Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Well my son, it's the result of loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much whisky and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I'll be damned!" Jock muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, feeling a little guilty, said, "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't, Father. But I was just reading here that the Pope does.



..............................


A plane was shot down over Iraq and Saddam Hussain captured a Scotsman,an Englishman and an Australian. Saddam says "I'm not as cruel as George Bush says I am You will be given 50 lashes each but you can have whatever you want on your back"
The Australian goes first and asks for the finest Kangaroo hide there is to cover his back. This is granted and he receives the kangaroo hide before he receives 50 lashes. His back is all torn and bleeding but he survives.
The Englishman says "I will take it as it comes I will have nothing on my back and will be proud to bear the scars" he shouts defiantly"Stiff upper lip you know eh what" His wish is granted and he receives his 50 lashes, his back torn and bleeding, his ribs fractured and protruding, a terrible mess to behold.
"Now Jock It's your turn you have the same choice as the other two what would you like on your back" says Saddam.
Jock replies quickly and without hesitation "I'll have the Englishman"







monochrome
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Thu 16 Oct 2008, 7:53 pm

lol! We all know who the englishman should be lol!
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Male Number of posts : 1455
Age : 54
City/Country : london uk
Fav MP game : riding tandem(me on the back)
Fav MP map : london a-z
Fav SP game : birdwatching
Xfire : never
TeamSpeak : english....the queens
Registration date : 2008-08-10

PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:24 pm

man thats just plain racist,god dam sweaty socks always picking on us lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: big fat and juciy/joke time!   Thu 16 Oct 2008, 9:36 pm



Last edited by One Armed Ninja on Tue 21 Oct 2008, 6:38 pm; edited 1 time in total
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big fat and juciy/joke time!
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