OK, I know this is a bit religious, sry for that, just for fun, no harm ment

"Islamic women can do kinky things with their ankles. That's why the Koran says they aren't supposed to reveal them in public"

"Let Jesus be your anchor! So when Satan rocks your boat, throw Jesus overboard!"

"The Israelites were all waiting anxiously at the foot of the mountain, knowing that Moses had had a tough day negotiating with God. Finally a tired Moses came into sight. "I've got some good news and some bad news, folks," he said. "The good news is that I got Him down to ten. The bad news is that adultery's still in."


Shit Happens, in various World Religions

Taoism: Shit happens

Hare krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Ding

Hinduism: This shit has happened before

Islam: That shit happens is the will of Allah

Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?

Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit is

Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit?

Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens"

7th day Adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays

Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder

Protestantism: If shit happens, it happens to someone else

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it

Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock, knock, "Shit happens"

Jehovah's Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon

Unitarian: What is this shit?

Mormon: Shit happens again & again & again

Judaism: Oy vey! Why does this shit always happen to us?

Pentacostalism: Praise the shit!

Atheism: There is no shit!

New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit

Girls are like pianos.....

When they’re not upright....

they’re grand.



I thoroughly disapprove of fighting.

If a man should challenge me...

I would take him kindly and forgivingly
by the hand and lead him to a quiet
place and kill him.


If your dreams turn to dust....

vacuum.

"A clarification of Christianity: Thou shalt not kill, except in the name of God, Jesus Christ, or the Holy Ghost"


"The reason I know I am God is because one day as I was praying, I realized I was talking to myself"


"All those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand..."


"A long and wicked life followed by five minutes of perfect grace gets you into Heaven. An equally long life of decent living and good works followed by one outburst of taking the name of the lord in vain-- then have a heart attack at that moment and be damned for eternity. Is that the system?"


"I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government."


"I believe in God. I just don't trust his ground personnel."


"Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense."

"God asked Adam: "What's wrong?" and Adam replied, "I'm lonely." So God said: "Adam, I will make you a partner. She will wash and cook and clean for you, she will listen to what you have to say and never interrupt you. Whe won't nag you about your actions and she will even bear your children. She will stay loyal to you and never be influenced by other men." So Adam asked, "Well, what's his gonna cost me?". "An arm and a leg." And Adam asked: "Well what can I get for an rib?". And the rest is history."



"You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend."

when peace breaks down and friendships fail ,, dont be sad thats when true love will provaile