ODD NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD....

**skinman {kan}** · Subject: Re: ODD NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD.... Mon 23 Nov 2009, 8:59 am

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question
given on a University chemistry exam.

The answer by one student was
so profound that the professor shared
it with colleagues.

Question... Is Hell exothermic
(gives off heat)... or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?.

Most of the students wrote proofs
of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats
when it is compressed)...
or some variant.

One student however....
wrote the following..

First... we need to know how the mass
of Hell is changing in time.

So we need to know the rate at which souls
are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once
a soul gets to Hell... it will not leave.

Therefore... no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell...
let's look at the different religions that exist
in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are
not a member of their religion...
you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions
and since people do not belong to more than one
religion... we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are...
we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially.

Now...we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that
in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell
to stay the same...
the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately
as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities...

If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than
the rate at which souls enter Hell...
then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all Hell breaks loose.

If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than
the increase of souls in Hell...
then the temperature and pressure will drop
until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by
Teresa during my First year that...

"It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep
with you"...
and take into account the fact that I slept
with her last night....
then number two must be true.

I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has
already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell
has frozen over...
it follows that it is not accepting any more
souls and is therefore extinct......

leaving only Heaven...
thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why... last night...

Teresa kept shouting ....

"Oh my God".

_________________
yours to the bone....

**Lady of Winter {KAN}** · Subject: From Cave to Castle Fri 04 Dec 2009, 11:12 am

There's rags to riches and then there's rags to mega-riches. Two brothers from Hungary definitely fall into the second category.

Until recently, Geza and Zslot Peladi lived in a cave near Budapest.
Completely destitute, the two cave-brothers earned money by gathering
scrap metal and selling candy they found on the street. That all
changed the moment they heard that they stood to inherit a substantial
portion of their maternal grandmother's $6.6 billion fortune. (That's
billion, with a "B.")

According to an article from the New York Post, once the paperwork goes
through, the two brothers will share the fortune with their sister in the United States.
While some folks who come into obscene amounts of money might buy a plane,
throw a party, or commission large oil paintings of themselves, Geza Peladi has a more
modest goal. He would like a "normal life" and to find a woman to share his fortune with.
Apparently, it's rather hard to get dates when you live in a cave.

A blog from Ananova features photos of the two brothers and explains their
circumstances a bit more. They were told of their mother's death by homeless charity
workers. Geza was quoted as saying that he knew his mother came from a
wealthy family "but she was a difficult person and severed ties with
them, and then later abandoned us and we lost touch with her and our
father until she eventually died."

Under German law (where the grandmother lived), the brothers (and the sister) "will
inherit the entire estate as they are the closest surviving family members." Once proof
of relation to the grandmother is established, they'll be traveling to Germany to start
what we can only presume will be a very different kind of life. Best of luck, guys.

**skinman {kan}** · Subject: Re: ODD NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD.... Sat 05 Dec 2009, 2:31 pm

I wish I was related to those
guys...

how could you possibly spend
all that money...

though I wouldn't mind having
a good try....

_________________
yours to the bone....

**skinman {kan}** · Subject: Re: ODD NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD.... Mon 07 Dec 2009, 4:11 pm

A do it yourself...
enthusiast has been banned by his wife from taking on any more tasks
after causing about £30.000 of damage.
Christopher Andrews... 21... a pensions administrator... has left a trail
of destruction in their two-bedroom terrace house in Wiltshire.....
south-west England.

While trying to change a washer on a tap... he went up into the loft to
look for the stop cock and disconnected two pipes... flooding the house.

He later returned to the loft to look for the television aerial and crashed
through the ceiling....... showering plaster on his wife who was ironing.

When he wanted to lay a carpet in the bedroom... he knocked out the light
bringing the roll of material into the house.

He cut a large hole in the carpet rather than move the bed.

Andrews once blacked both his eyes when a wheel brace slipped as he tried
to change a punctured tyre on the couple’s car.

He ruined a kitchen work surface by trimming off so much of it to make it fit
that it ended up far too small.

In his hands the electric drill becomes a dangerous weapon.

He cut his leg badly when he dropped the drill as he tried to rehang a broken
garden gate.

Then... while trying to put up a coat rack in the hall... he drilled through an
electric cable sending out sparks that set fire to the curtains.

This made him more safety conscious.

When he decided to put some speakers on the walls he turned off the electricity.

Then... unable to understand why his electric drill had stopped working... he took it
apart to see if he could fix the fault.

Having failed to find anything wrong with it... he tried to put it back together again
but by then he had forgotten where all the pieces went.

He went out and bought another drill and was about to take it back because it didn’t
work when his wife arrived home and reminded him that he had turned off the electricity.

Mrs Andrews... a job training manager... said she had had enough.

"Chris will have a go at absolutely anything"... she said.

"But in his case DIY stands for....

Dangerously Incompetent Yob".

_________________
yours to the bone....

**skinman {kan}** · Subject: Re: ODD NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD.... Fri 25 Dec 2009, 9:36 am

Chinese police were held in a hour long stand off
with a suspected suicide bomber only to find the
man was armed with sausages.

Police believed that the straps and bulky items
around Sing He's waist were dynamite and
detonators.

Mr He.. 23.. threatened to blow up a restaurant
and its customers in Benxi.. northern China...
unless the staff handed over the contents of the till.

But a specialist bomb unit called to the scene quickly
determined that the device was assembled with
pork products.

"When we saw what he had round his waist we couldn't
help laughing.
Some of the sausages still had the wrappers on them"....
said one bomb squad officer.

"It must have been terrifying for the customers but those
things would only have gone off if you'd kept them past
their sell by date".

Mr He told police he had planned the raid because he was
depressed after breaking up with his girlfriend.

He said...

"I needed some excitement in my life and to that extent
it was a success".

_________________
yours to the bone....

**Lady of Winter {KAN}** · Subject: Re: ODD NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD.... Wed 30 Dec 2009, 2:08 am

skinman {kan} wrote:

Chinese police were held in a hour long stand off
with a suspected suicide bomber only to find the
man was armed with sausages.

Police believed that the straps and bulky items
around Sing He's waist were dynamite and
detonators.

Mr He.. 23.. threatened to blow up a restaurant
and its customers in Benxi.. northern China...
unless the staff handed over the contents of the till.

But a specialist bomb unit called to the scene quickly
determined that the device was assembled with
pork products.

"When we saw what he had round his waist we couldn't
help laughing.
Some of the sausages still had the wrappers on them"....
said one bomb squad officer.

"It must have been terrifying for the customers but those
things would only have gone off if you'd kept them past
their sell by date".

Mr He told police he had planned the raid because he was
depressed after breaking up with his girlfriend.

He said...

"I needed some excitement in my life and to that extent
it was a success".

OMG! I laughed so hard after reading this!!

**Lady of Winter {KAN}** · Subject: Re: ODD NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD.... Wed 30 Dec 2009, 2:09 am

Associated Press

ROME, GEORGIA, USA
December 29, 2009 03:25 pm

—

Planning to drink and drive this New Year's? A north Georgia funeral home has a deal for you.
Between now and noon Thursday, drivers can visit McGuire, Jennings and Miller
Funeral Home in Rome to sign a contract stating they plan to drink or
take drugs and then drive on New Year's Eve. If they die in a wreck
that day, the funeral home will give them a free burial.

Services included in the package are a casket, grave, limousine and preparation of remains.
Funeral home officials say the program is designed to save lives by making partygoers think twice about drinking and driving.

**skinman {kan}** · Subject: Re: ODD NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD.... Wed 30 Dec 2009, 1:44 pm

A 22-year-old man has been accused of
running a cat through the spin cycle of a
washing machine.

police were called on Sunday by his
roommate.

the roommate found a video on the man's
cell phone... putting the cat... named Delilah...
into the washing machine.

he could be heard saying...

"it's the spin cycle".

Delilah survived the ordeal...
but the man was cited for animal cruelty.

My..MY..MY...Delilah....

_________________
yours to the bone....

**Lady of Winter {KAN}**

By 41 News
Created 2010-03-24 09:23

Police in Connecticut say they had ample warning of a bank robbery because the
two suspects called the bank ahead of time and told an employee to get
a bag of money ready.

Police arrested 27-year-old Albert Bailey and an unidentified 16-year-old boy on robbery and threatening charges Tuesday afternoon at a People's United Bank branch in Fairfield.

Sgt. James Perez says the two Bridgeport residents showed up about 10 minutes after making the call and were met by police in the parking lot. Perez told the Connecticut Post the suspects were "not too bright."
It's not clear if Bailey and the teen have lawyers.

AP

**Alucard{KAN}** · Subject: Re: ODD NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD.... Fri 02 Apr 2010, 7:17 am

Lady of Winter {KAN} wrote:

Associated Press

ROME, GEORGIA, USA
December 29, 2009 03:25 pm

—

Planning to drink and drive this New Year's? A north Georgia funeral home has a deal for you.
Between now and noon Thursday, drivers can visit McGuire, Jennings and Miller
Funeral Home in Rome to sign a contract stating they plan to drink or
take drugs and then drive on New Year's Eve. If they die in a wreck
that day, the funeral home will give them a free burial.

Services included in the package are a casket, grave, limousine and preparation of remains.
Funeral home officials say the program is designed to save lives by making partygoers think twice about drinking and driving.

**skinman {kan}** · Subject: Re: ODD NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD.... Fri 02 Apr 2010, 8:50 am

A church leader has urged parishioners to have sex every day
for a month to help cut the high divorce rates.

The Pastor who is taking up the sex marathon challenge with
his wife... said that couples right across the nation were
struggling in their relationships.

For married people he said it seemed like....

"the sex is great up front but then for some reason life happens".

But for singles....

"it's like you're always thinking about it and you're like.....

hey man... I'd like to have it as much as possible".

Sometimes that prevents single people from having a great
and healthy relationship later on when they got married.

But the pastors challenge for his single parishioners is a
little different than that for married couples.

He wants them to abstain from sex for 30 days.

(Two chances of that none and F**k All).

The head pastor of the Church delivered his 30 day sex
challenge to churchgoers during a sermon series on
relationships.

He said it was one way of taking on the high divorce rate.

He referred to a recent study out that showed that many
married men have sex less than 10 times a year...

(lucky devils.)

People's jobs.. houses.. children and other things tend to
get in the way... men really need to re-evaluate their wife's
needs.

"men often come home and kick off their shoes and pick up the
remote and don't offer to help with dinner...

don't offer to help with the kids....

and then just expect fireworks in the bedroom".

Well all I can say is my bedroom fireworks always end with a bang.

_________________
yours to the bone....

**skinman {kan}** · Subject: Re: ODD NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD.... Wed 14 Apr 2010, 3:20 pm

Devastated by the news that his girlfriend was going to marry another man

a teenager from a village in Central Java cut off his own bobby in a fit of despair…

Any hopes of reattaching the severed member were dashed after the 19 year old

threw the appendage into a well and it could not be found by residents of the local village.

he must have been really cut up about that..

"Are you down there Bobby ?".

_________________
yours to the bone....

**skinman {kan}** · Subject: Re: ODD NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD.... Tue 08 Jun 2010, 8:24 pm

Doreen... aged 79....

finished all the shopping on her weekly list at the supermarket.

She walked determinedly towards her car which she had left in the car park.

There she saw four youths about to drive away in her car.

Doreen became agitated and dropping her shopping to the ground...

she drew a handgun from her bag and screamed as loud as her lungs
would allow at the four miscreants.....

"I have a gun and I know how to use it.

Get out of the car you horrible little men".

The four lads didn't wait around for a second invitation but got out and
ran helter-skelter as far away as they could....

whereupon Doreen... somewhat shaken...

proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get
into the driver's seat.

As hard as Doreen tried she could not get her key into the ignition.

Then it began to dawn on her why.

She came across her own car a few moments later in another row near by.

Putting her bags now... into her own car...

she drove hesitantly to the nearest Police Station.

As Patricia was recounting the tale to the Duty Sergeant....

she wondered why he kept giggling and smiling.

Eventually he pointed to the end of the counter where dear old dizzy Doreen
saw four young lads....

faces extremely pale.... who were describing how a little old lady....

some five feet tall.... wearing glasses and with grey hair had stolen
their car by waving a gun at them.

_________________
yours to the bone....