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Time Magazine:
Saturday, Jan. 10, 2009
By Jeffrey Kluger

To the long list of reasons you should be glad you're not an ant, add this: You'd have to forget about having sex. You'd also have to forget about even trying. Sneak off for a little insectile assignation and the other members of the colony would know immediately — and attack you for it. Entomologists have long known this was the practice in the ant world, but what they didn't know is the forensic science that allows the community to uncover the crime. Now, thanks to a study in the current issue of Cell Biology, they do.

Ant colonies have good reason to be abstemious places. When you're trying to hold together so complex a society without — let's face it — a lot of brainpower, you want a population made up of the fittest individuals you can get. A queen that has the genetic mettle to crank out lots of good eggs that produce lots of good babies doesn't need any competition from other, lesser females setting up a nest nearby. Even the queen herself is not allowed to fool with the gene pool once it's been set. She mates only once in her life and stores all the sperm she'll ever need for the thousands of eggs she'll produce. (See pictures of the insect world.)

The rules, of course, don't prevent the other ants in the colony — which spend their lives tending eggs, gathering food and digging tunnels — from feeling a little randy now and then (never mind the fact that they're all, genetically speaking, brothers and sisters). But not only are those who give into the procreative urge pounced on, those who are even considering it are often restrained before they can try. The tip-off, as with so many other things in the animal world, appears to be smell.

Earlier studies had shown that a queen that senses potential competition from another fertile female will chemically mark the pretender; that female will then be attacked by lower-ranking females. Biologists Jürgen Liebig and Adrian Smith of Arizona State University suspected that something similar might go on even without the queen's intervention and believed the answer might lie in scent chemicals called cuticular hydrocarbons.

Ants that are capable of reproducing naturally emit hydrocarbon-based odors, and the eggs they produce smell the same way. Ants that can't reproduce emit no such odor. Liebig and Smith produced a synthetic hydrocarbon in the lab that had the same olfactory properties as the natural one, then plucked a few innocent ants from a nest and dabbed the chemical on them. When they were returned to the colony, they were promptly attacked — never mind that they had essentially been framed.

The sexual environment does sometimes loosen up in ant colonies. While the place may never become a Caligulan free-for-all, collective breeding will resume if the queen dies or is experimentally removed — but only until a new queen establishes herself and the reproductive lockdown resumes.

We complex critters might be glad to be part of a species that's free of such Draconian sexual rules, but Liebig doesn't think it's wise to get above ourselves. All manner of lawsuits, divorces and blood feuds can erupt over people breeding when — or with whom — they oughtn't. Often, the methods used to expose the cheaters aren't terribly different from those of the ants: more than one philanderer, after all, has been exposed by a whiff of the wrong perfume on his clothes when he came home. "The idea that social harmony is dependent on strict systems to prevent and punish cheating seems to apply to most successful societies," Liebig explained in a comment released with his paper. Regardless of the genome, in matters of sex, nature still appears to prefer us not to stray.

Fri Feb 6, 11:58 am ET

LONDON (Reuters) – A milkman who admitted he delivered cannabis as well as pints to elderly customers to ease their aches and pains, was spared jail Friday.

Robert Holding, 72, from Burnley, told police he supplied the drug to 17 customers after detectives raided his home and found nearly 6oz (167g) of cannabis in an egg crate in the van he used for deliveries.

"He said he sold the cannabis to existing customers because they were old and had aches and pains," said prosecutor Sarah Statham.

"He said he sold a 9oz (255g) bar about every three weeks and sold it for a relatively cheap value. He said that customers left him notes saying, for example, 'Can I have an ounce this week or can I have an eighth.'"

Holding, who admitted supplying and possession of the drug at a previous hearing, was given a 36-month prison sentence suspended for a year at Burnley Crown Court Friday, the Press Association reported.

Judge Beverley Lunt told him the sentence was "an act of mercy" because he visited his wife, who has Alzheimer's disease, every day in a care home.

"You were not some philanthropist helping out the elderly out of the good of your heart. You dealt drugs for profit in a calculated way. It was a business," the judge told him.

His lawyer Philip Holden said his client "wasn't making much of a profit" and that his oldest client was 92.

"Word had got out that he was a man who could supply cannabis to those of a certain age with aches and pains and he misguidedly believed he was providing a public service," he said.

After the verdict Holding insisted he had not made money from his drug dealing.

"They (the customers) enjoyed it, they saved a lot of money while I was doing it and I only did it for a short time," he said.

However Neil Standage, area crown prosecutor for East Lancashire, said there was no evidence that he was only supplying elderly people with painful ailments.

"This might make it sound like what he was doing was harmless. It wasn't," he said.

BELLEVUE, Wash. – A man in Washington state made sure a pair of burglars didn't get away with his three flat-screen televisions — he moved their getaway car.

Patrick Rosario was in the basement of his Bellevue home on Tuesday when he heard the burglars upstairs.

The Seattle Times says the 32-year-old Rosario, who had been laid off from his job as a Washington Mutual manager, called 911 while he sneaked out of the house.

He saw a white van sitting in front of his house with the motor running and the keys in the ignition, and he got in and drove it to a friend's house.

Police say the burglars left the televisions, a laptop computer and a jewelry box by the door and took off on foot.

The sheriff's office said no arrests had been made.

(Another MyLF Mishap)
Fri Feb 20, 12:28 pm ET

BERLIN (Reuters) – A British soldier crashed not one but two 8-tonne reconnaissance tanks after breaking out of his camp in north Germany early on Friday on a drunken joyride.

The 18-year-old soldier drove the first Scimitar tank out of his camp near Hohne at about 4 a.m. but left the road after half a kilometre and the vehicle ground to a halt, police in the nearby town of Celle said.

Undeterred, he walked back to base, fetched another light tank and sped off towards the town of Bergen, pursued by military police who had spotted him. When they tried to block his path he swerved and crashed into a beech tree.

"He evidently tried to shake them off, then lost control of the vehicle," said a police spokesman. "I don't know if he was an experienced tank driver but I'm not sure you can be at 18."

German police said his alcohol level was double the legal limit and opened a dangerous driving investigation.

"Why and how he did it, we don't know yet," said an army spokesman, who added that the soldier was with a reconnaissance unit but gave no further details.

hmmmm,a low blow indeed,whist normaly i wouldnt object to recieving a blow from our lady (winks) or sould that be wan........noooooo dont say it,i feel i should add that infact i am a responsible driver and dont recall any incident in berlin..hic...

BRYANT, Ark. – Police said a woman has been arrested for allegedly slipping some tranquilizers into her boss's coffee because she felt "he needed to chill out." Police said the 24-year-old woman admitted to detectives that she slipped the drugs into veteranarian John Duckett's drink. Officers said Duckett knew something was wrong shortly after drinking some of the coffee Tuesday morning.

Officers said the woman cleaned the cages at the the Reynolds Road Animal Clinic.

A judge set bond at $25,000 Friday and a jailer said the woman was still being held Friday. Her next court appearance is scheduled for April 21

PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Here's a job opportunity you won't need to buy a new wardrobe for.

Hoping to take advantage of Rhode Island's floundering economy, owners of the Foxy Lady strip club in Providence plan to hold a job fair on Saturday.

They say they're looking to fill around 30 positions, from strippers and waitresses to disc jockeys and bartenders, at that club and two others in Massachusetts.

"I need more managers, I need more competent staff, and I need more attractive waitresses to go along with the ones I have right now," said co-owner Tom Tsoumas.

The naked truth is that Rhode Island's economy is among the worst in the nation, with an unemployment rate of 10.3 percent in January.

The Providence club isn't immune from the recession but is still drawing customers willing to drink and pay for lap dances, said manager Bob Travisono.

"It's taken a hit," he said. "It's not as bad as restaurants and stuff like that. In times like this, they seem to drink their sorrows away."

Tsoumas said he hopes some who might shun strip clubs when the economy is good might consider shedding their clothes now — or at least working as a floor host or bartender.